Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Season 4 Performance #5
By Kim | Season 4 | Episode 8 | Aired on 04.15.2007
Heather and Jonathan start their dance to "Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel," and there's just something so ungainly about Heather Mills that has nothing to do with her missing leg. Her upper body lacks grace. She's also wearing the most confusing outfit ever. It's like a pink sequined camisole top with a grey sequined dress over the top, but the dress has only one shoulder and...oh, crap. She just fell. Well, now she's not going home this week because America will feel bad for her. Did I mention she's wearing a gray sequined armband?
Carrie Ann tells Heather that she dances like nobody is watching, which I interpreted as "not particularly well." Bruno tells her to "polish the top half," which sounds dirty out of context like that. But Bruno is right. They get three 7s for a total of 21 out of 30. And then they announce that they will be traveling to London this week, leaving less time for practicing, but more time for plugging Virgin Airlines.
You know, I think Joey Fatone is a good dancer, probably the best on the show. But the shameless cheesy mugging has GOT to GO. He's like that kid in your high school who was slightly puffy and smelled like sour milk and then joined drama club and got the lead in all the musicals and suddenly had this coterie of drama-club groupies because he was the one straight guy in a ten-mile radius. And he was kind of funny but he also tried just a little too hard, and everyone in your school thought he was the shit, but then he graduated and tried to make it in Hollywood and had to move back in with his parents after two years and now he does community theater in Florida and the last you heard he was shooting a pilot for a local kids' show on cable access or something. Anyway, imagine if instead of the Hollywood part, that kid had somehow joined a boy band, and you have Joey Fatone. Clearly, his parents didn't love him enough, and now he needs ALL the ATTENTION. Which is annoying mostly because he's actually quite good and can drop the theatrics any time now. Kym tries to corral Joey's goofiness, to little effect, so she calls in Lance Bass and Alfonso Ribiero (Carlton!). Or should I say Carl-Ton -- he's gained some weight since his Fresh Prince days. As have we all, Carlton.
The dance begins with Joey in a chair, wearing a fedora and a tuxedo shirt with untied bowtie. He pretends to be bored, but is then entranced when Kym shows up in a tight red dress, and they start dancing together. Joey executes a fairly graceful turning arabesque and then totally grabs her ass! This is the family hour, people! Joey's posture does seem to be better, though. He ends up twirling Kym into the chair where he started, all the better fo feature a Lance Bass cameo.