Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Season 4 Performance #5
By Kim | Season 4 | Episode 8 | Aired on 04.15.2007
All of the judges love it, and Bruno says that he needs a shower, which is gross. Backstage, Laila says that she felt good out there, and Maksim says that he had Laila sign a waiver assuring him that her fiancé wouldn't hurt him. The fiancé comes out and pretends he's going to hit Maksim, but hugs him instead. The judges' scores are 9, 10, and 9 for a total of 28 out of 30. Tom Bergeron jokes that Bruno needs a shower but Maksim needs a new pair of pants. The judges found that HILARIOUS! One thing I find amazing about this show is how ABC has managed to take an art form that is arguably sort of highbrow, ballroom dancing, and managed to cheese it up so thoroughly. And poop jokes are a big part of that cheesening.
Apolo and Julianne are up next. They've been doing well, but they haven't been in first place, and that's what they want. Julianne thinks she needs to push her partner to be perfect so they can get that top spot. Julianne encourages Apolo to "be the tiger," and I don't even know what that means. Neither does Apolo, since he tends to just growl whenever she says it. He thinks they need to overcome their cute reputation and be seen as dangerous.
They begin their routine to "I Like to Move It," and Apolo is rotating those hips like...I don't know what. I'm too distracted by the fact that Julianne is wearing a tiger-striped outfit and, hand to God, a banana clip. I haven't seen one of those since a few years ago when I was staying at my dad's house, and my hair was bugging me, and I couldn't find a rubber band, so I dug out an old banana clip from my stash of high school paraphernalia and put up my hair in it. And wow, I can't believe we ever wore those in the '80s. After the dance ends (and they kind of flub the ending), Julianne hugs Apolo, and my husband wanders through the room and says, "I think they're doing it." The audience applauds for like two years.
Len starts out the judging by remarking on how sexy it was, and Bruno thinks the nation was stunned. Carrie Ann says nothing of import as usual. Why is Florence Henderson in the audience? Anyway, the judges give them three perfect 10s for a 30 out of 30.
As they go to commercial break, they show Billy Ray, who is wearing a lavender satin sleeveless shirt and...seriously, his right nipple just jumped out and held up a sign that said, "Shut up about the Achy Breaky!" That was the most prominent male nipple I've ever seen on television. Anyway, Billy Ray Cyrus and Karina "unleashed the beast" last week, which makes me think he danced with his fly open. Billy Ray talks about how busy he is with work while trying to practice. Karina says he's reluctant to "show his romantic side," by which she means that he refuses to grab her ass. They begin their routine to "What's Love Got to Do With It," and the whole beginning is just Billy Ray kneeling while Karina does all the dancing. Then they do a thing where Billy Ray just stands still and Karina dances from side to side. I think they're hoping people will be distracted by Billy Ray's nipples. He is stiff, and I'm not talking about his nipples this time. He looks like he has a load in his drawers. Hey, if the judges can make poop jokes, so can I.