Episode Report Card M. Giant: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mailer than Thou
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.25.2004
Rory is in some alterna-dude's dorm room getting her first demonstration of illegal file sharing. Of course she's never seen it done before. Why? Because it's Rory, and it's illegal. The only noteworthy thing about this scene is that the scurvy music pirate hates Chicago: "Use a trombone, go to jail." Hey, "Face the Face" by Pete Townshend rocked, and by the way he was totally cleared of those kiddie porn charges. Rory's mind, like mine, is clearly wandering during the interview, and she finally excuses herself to get a cup of coffee.
Hey, Rory, there's no coffee in the bathroom! Rory splashes water on her face and stands behind the door to dry off. As she's doing so, a gorilla in a red ball gown comes in. Now, that's weird. Is Angel back or something? Oh, wait, it's just a gorilla mask, which its wearer pulls off to reveal a drunk, blonde freshman. She touches up her lipstick, then turns to go, which is the first time she sees Rory. "Oops! Didn't see you there," the blonde ditzes, and, with a finger to her lips, stumbles outside. Rory, following her, gets outside in time to see her jump into a black Escalade, calling out the phrase "In omnia paratus," which is Latin for "Isn't it time for a commercial yet?" Rory watches the SUV drive off into the night.
Lorelai comes out of Doose's Market wearing a cowboy hat and carrying an Icee in one hand and a big plate of nachos in the other. Hey, what's up with that? It's Thursday, right? We know Dean was working there tonight. If I didn't know better, I'd suspect Lorelai of stirring Dean's cheese, if you know what I mean. Until it formed kind of a rock, if you know what I mean. To be fair, though, that's not the same cowboy hat Dean was wearing earlier. I double-checked. If you know what I mean. Okay, stopping now. Lorelai's cell phone goes off. Hey, it's Christopher, just like in the promos. "I can't get her to stop" is his charming opening. His baby, Gigi, is wailing in the background and climbing out of her crib. Sherry is "out," the nanny isn't answering her page, and Chris is in a panic and didn't know who else to call. Lorelai promises that she'll be right there. This can't be good.
Wait, yes it can, because here are those commercials I ordered. While the Bush campaign explains how liberals want to throw America literally to the wolves, let me tell you about M. Tiny's little tantrum the other night. I, too happened to be alone with him at the time, and I, too was unable to determine what was getting on his nerves. I just couldn't figure out how to calm him down, although since he was only two weeks old (two and a half now) he isn't quite up to crawling out of the crib. But did I call an ex-girlfriend? I did not. I did what any good father would do. I stuck my head out into the hallway of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit where M. Tiny was staying and I called for the nearest nurse. That's how a real dad deals with situations like this, Christopher.