Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ally's a Mom, John Is Gone
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 02.10.2002
A series of tilt-y aerial shots of Boston flash across the screen. Drink! Vonda sings "Sank Oven Fur Leedle Gurrls." Ally nags at Kid, who's not touching a bowl of Cheerios. Ally wants Kid to know the full nutritional value of said Cheerios, and tells her that it would be good if Kid ate them. Kid isn't feeling well, and is still lippy. She calls Ally "annoying," and "will let [her] know if [she] require[s] juice." Ally hears the song "Rag Doll," and hallucinates shaking Kid violently. God, these abusive hallucinations are really creeping me out. Anyhoo, Kid is feeling ill to her tum-tum, probably due to being nervous about the impending play date. Kid ensures Ally will be present at the play date, than barfs all over Ally's "Chanel" suit. Oh, that suit is so not Chanel. And why the fuck would anyone wear a Chanel suit just because? A garment that powerful needs a reason to be worn, says the woman with a closet full of clothes that have yet to debut. Ally has a fit, but says it's "okay" and forces out a laugh.
Ray and Corretta head into court to do closing arguments. Ray offers a hundred grand to settle the case, saying that, for the "present day," that's a lot of money. Um, what? I guess he could have also said that in olden times, the hundred Gs would have bought a whole lot of Edsels and cigarette holders. Corretta says no. Ray says his client is "very entrenched" and "will appeal all the way." Corretta is all, are you saying he'll fight until she's dead? "You should be offended by that!" Ray just says the thing about Guy being "entrenched" again, and they get on the elevator.
Ally talks to Elaine about her child-abuse fantasies. Elaine says, "Even the most evil people make excellent parents!" Hee. I love Elaine. Elaine realizes that Ally is looking at the firm's accounting books, and plotzes: "My god! You really are a partner!" Yeah. How scary is that? Elaine happily passes on the news that Nelle is less than supportive of Ally's talents as a lawyer. Through gritted teeth, Ally says, "That catty bitch!" Nelle pops her head in Ally's office doorway. Someone say my name? Ally and Nelle bare their teeth at each other and exchange fake pleasantries. Ally morphs into a muscle-woman and flexes at her. Nelle tells Ally not to dare get tough with her. Ally says, "Check the top of your head for my footprints." And don't forget to turn in your time sheets at the end of the day! Elaine loves every second of it.
Ray and his client argue. Ray wants him to settle. Guy will not. Ray argues that AIDS Woman is more sympathetic to the jury, and that cases "don't always turn on pragmatics," which Guy apparently has in spades. Ray concludes, "You can't discriminate against someone for having AIDS!" Guy screams back, "My son had AIDS, all right? So I do NOT discriminate." Oh, for fuck's SAKE. What does this have to do with...oh...everyone on this show internalizes each issue and takes it personally. Just like on The Practice, just like on Boston Public. Does it matter that it doesn't make sense? Does it matter that using this device for dramatic purposes makes the important issues virtually meaningless? Does it matter that it's so formulaic by this time, I recall all of Laura Flynn Boyle's character arcs and go, oh! Yeah. Guy says he never even mentioned this to Ray so that Ray couldn't exploit the Guy's son's death to make Guy appear more sympathetic. Yeah. Ray says he wants to settle for three hundred grand. The piano plays sadly.
Richard's at the bar with a bottle of Michelob, flicking a light on and off. Ally sits down at the table with him, unloading the firm's books from her arms with a thump. She asks how long he's been paying salaries with his own money, and how long "John [has] not been drawing a salary." A few months, says Richard. And he has plenty of money! Um, didn't Cage and Fish just net something like five million bucks this season? Oh, I guess DEK was hanging out with Aaron Sorkin and RDJ again, smoking crack. Ally says he's "carrying too much overhead." Richard says he'll take her advice as a partner, and the offer still stands. She says she can only work until five, and there will be "days [she] will miss completely." He says yes, because he "lost John" and doesn't want to lose Ally. God forbid. Ally's pager beeps, and she has to go.