Episode Report Card Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I'm Sorry, Trip, I'm Afraid I Can't Do That
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.03.2005
May-I-Need-Unisom haunts the Bridge because he's too wired to sleep. Thinking about the captain getting killed wires him up? Yeah, okay, I could see that. Hoshi snaps that she thinks it's barbaric and reveals that she's intently reading the code of the Yu-Xiang Chicken, looking for a loophole. May-I-Need-Nytol offers to help.
In the Mess a few hours later, May-Now-I'm-Caffeinated hands over an e-pad, announcing that a combatant can postpone a duel indefinitely if there are no children to continue his clan. Hoshi shoots it down because the rule only applies if Quantum is married. Quick -- get T'Pol a veil and something old, new, borrowed, and green! Finally, May-Remember-When-I-Was-A-Boomer?-Yeah-That-Was-Cool remembers his father fighting a duel on Nobelia Prime and starts grabbing at all the e-pads, looking for the rules of combat. Now, is Nobelia Prime the one with the three-shouldered chicks? Oh, no, that was Draylax.
Hoshi, Wilbur, and Phlox all give Quantum advice on his fight. Phlox tells him that as the Andorian metabolism is faster than the human, Quantum should just keep moving to tire him out. "How about I just win?" Quantum smirks. How about I just kick you? Shran and Quantum exchange niceties. Shran says that when he kills Quantum, he will continue to support cooperation between the Imperial Guard and the humans. Their armbands are linked together with a chain and Shran whips his arm down, jerking Quantum around (heh) as he promises to take Quantum's blood back to Andoria and to the Wall of Heroes. "Not today," Quantum promises. Fighty fight fight. Quantum trash-talks, which is just SO TYPICAL! Quantum whips the cord that connects them around Shran's throat. Shran drops his weapon. Quantum asks him if he gives up. "Never!" Shran chokes. "Wrong choice," Quantum snarls, and goes in for the "kill."
Sickbay. Phlox bandages Shran's clipped antennae. Awesome -- that's just hysterical. Shran bitches at Quantum for not killing him. Quantum says he still needs his help. Shran heaves himself off the bed, obviously unable to get proper balance. Again, awesome. "What good is a Guardsman without two antennae?" Shran moans and catches sight of himself in a darkened monitor. He groans again, and the neutered antennae drops and shrinks. Phlox assures him that he will learn to compensate in a day or two. "They take nine months to grow back," Shran groans. "If left untreated -- with electrical stimulation and brisk cranial massage, you'll be back to normal in half that time," Phlox perks. And who will be administering the cranial massage? Nurse T'Pol? Even though he humiliated Shran, after Quantum quotes back some Yu-Xiang Chicken rules, Shran admits that the captain honored tradition and vengeance is served.