Episode Report Card Pamie: B- | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Stars Hollow's First Annual Skank-Off
By Pamie | Season 5 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.24.2005
Previously, there was a show called Gilmore Girls, and some of you really, really like it.
We open in bed. It's been so long that for a second I don't remember that Lorelai and Luke are sleeping together. That might be because they've moved so effortlessly into the "buddies" portion of their relationship that I forget they're supposed to be sexually attracted to each other. Lorelai wakes up and gives the room a giant sniff. Careful -- there might still be some Jess molecules in that room. She immediately sets to waking Luke up. Luke isn't very interested in waking up. Lorelai pulls back the covers, telling him that he's missing it. "Is 'it' sleep?" Luke asks. "'Cause you'd be right." Lorelai pulls Luke back and tells him to "smell it." Dirty! The camera immediately swoops around the bed in a semi-circle, which is a pretty weird move in this tiny little apartment, as Lorelai giggles and pushes Luke out of bed. Luke complains about all of the things that are cold in this situation, like the air, the floor, himself. Luke and Lorelai grumble and grunt at each other as she pushes him out of the apartment.
It's still dark outside Luke's as they run into the street. Luke's still complaining about being cold, which might be because they're outside in their pajamas, and possibly their slippers. Lorelai is very excited because she smells snow. She tells Luke that she can always tell when it's coming: "I'm never wrong." She says this is her favorite time of the year, because the "whole world changes color" (a bit of an exaggeration). Luke grumps about being cold while Lorelai goes on and on about how great snow is. Lorelai says she and snow have a great history together. Luke says that snow isn't in the forecast. Snow, snow, snow. I don't think you understand how much they go on about how Lorelai likes snow and Luke didn't hear about it in any forecast. In fact, if Luke actually watches that many weather forecasts a day, I worry about him. Anyway, cue the CGI snow. Lorelai is proud of herself, and Luke couldn't care less. He grumps back into the house, because the bloom is off the rose of their courtship. Lorelai sighs into the snow.
Luke's. Breakfast. Taylor, Andrew, the Reverend, and a few other townies are trying to find the right way to say "whore." "Concubine" is too "high-falutin'." The Reverend really wants us to know that just because he works for God doesn't mean he doesn't live a normal life. "Harlot" is out. As is "woman of accommodating morals." Luke, unfortunately, asks what they're doing. Taylor reminds this man who has lived here his entire life that with the first snow comes the Revolutionary War Re-Enactment. And I do believe Luke's quite familiar with how it goes down. We know this is true because Luke then launches into the entire story, once again. Taylor and his friends are very excited, because a "local historian" (who -- Gypsy?) uncovered new information about that night and Stars Hollow's participation. An English battalion was waiting for their General, who had plans for a big battle. The Stars Hollow soldiers caught wind of this and blocked "the high road," which forced the general to take "the lower road" through town. Wake up, everybody. There's more. They talked some poor girl in town into seducing the general and having sex with him so that he'd never reach his battalion. "A hooker stopped a battle," Luke recaps. One of the re-enactors tells Luke they're not going to call her a "hooker." So they're all trying to figure out what to call her. Taylor says this new re-enactment is going to be a huge boost to tourists. Particularly if they do the re-enactment in real time. Taylor says they're having a casting session soon to pick their "special lady." I hope they cast Miss Patty; she'll at least have the most fun with the role. Also, I think that casting session is illegal. They want a woman who's thin, but not too thin. They asks Luke if he knows anybody who fits the bill. I can't believe Luke doesn't offer up his sister, making her immediately participate in this town's weekly time-consuming extravaganzas. Luke promises to let them know if he runs into any "moderately-weighted whores."