Episode Report Card Erin: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sharon! This episode sucked!
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.04.2003
Mexico. Home of Mexican Standoffs and Tequila -- Which, Actually, May Be to Blame for Most Mexican Standoffs. I'd like to welcome you to the part of the recap that I will most likely reduce to a few paragraphs. Really. It's a useless scene, shot on film stock borrowed from Traffic, and I don't feel the need to expend any more energy on it than necessary.
Two CIA vans, one silver, one black, speed along in the desert. Syd's inside one of them, instructing the teams on the upcoming exchange. Unfortunately, I barely paid attention to what she was saying because she looked like she was auditioning to be the lead actress in G.I. Jane, Part 2: Even Navy Seals Can Look Like Girls Once In Awhile.
The team exits the vans. Syd stomps out of the silver van and sashays her ass over to the black one. I'm sorry, but she sashays. Her ass moves from right to left to right to left more times in three steps than any ass has a right to. And I don't think she's wearing a bra. I really don't. Syd enters the black van, the interior of which is, you guessed it, black. She bends over (no, not like THAT) and starts to unlock Sark's ankle cuffs. Sark's all, I assure you that this Covenant, or whatever it's called, is as much a mystery to me as it is to you. "I can't imagine why they'd want to make this trade," he says. "You're about to find out," says Syd, unlocking him. "My life's in danger, isn't it?" he asks. "Yes, it is, little bro," says Syd. "Yes, it most certainly is. By the way, how's Mom doing?" Or she just looks at him with her overly plumped lips. Dudes. They're BLOWN UP. I'm sorry. They've been filled with helium or something. They're scaring me.
Meanwhile, across the desert, some cars are stormin' in. Syd, her hair in cute little braids, brings Sark out of the van. The stormin' cars stop across the way. Some guys get out of the cars, and one of them shoots a flare into the sky. Syd checks with Oops Center to get the go-ahead, gets it, and shoots her own flare into the sky. One of the stormin' car guys pulls out the living CIA dude, and Syd checks again with Oops Center about protocol. Dix authorizes her to let Sark go. She does.
Sark moves toward CIA dude as CIA dude moves toward him and all parties watch. Just then, some random cars appear on the wavery horizon. Sark and CIA dude meet in the center, and Sark halts him. They turn to watch the cars. Syd tries to get an identification from Dix. They ain't CIA. Syd's all, dude! We have to finish this trade NOW or the Covenant will think it's a double-cross. The cars keep coming. Then a chopper shows up. Someone in the chopper makes an announcement that it's Delta Force and this op has been countermanded by order of the National Security Council. Sweet Jesus. Looks like Head's rearing his ugly…erm…head. Everyone scrambles. Shots are fired. Sark and CIA dude fall flat on the ground. Syd tells Dix that Head ambushed them. Dix tells one of his computer lackeys to get Head on the horn now. More shooting. More people dead. Dix is on the phone to Head all, you sniveling little whore! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Head's all, trying to get back your agent! Sorry if I had to surprise you this way. And yeah, there's more drama here, but I really and truly don't give a shit, so we're moving on.