Episode Report Card LuluBates: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Long Live the Matriarchy
By LuluBates | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on 08.23.2010
for news of Danielle's demise. No, really. They are all just sitting in a badly lit room waiting for news. Clearly there is some drinking to be done. Chris orders a large red wine and Coke and I am not even kidding. Albert blames Ashley for his wife being in an awkward situation, but pretends he thinks it is worth it. Then Jacqueline tries to point out that Ashley needs to be P for punished, but not in jail. Ashley immediately gets up to leave the room, because AWKWARD. Ashley goes to cry in the ladies room and Jacqueline storms after her and tells her to man up already. Surprisingly that tactic doesn't work, so Lauren heads to the front. By the way, The Brownstone has lovely bathrooms. Well done, Chris Manzo, as I'm sure you were the one cleaning it. Don't worry, everyone has to start somewhere. Of course, Albie got to start by going to law school and you're cleaning the ladies' loo, but don't worry, your parents love you equally. Anyway, Lauren tells Ashley to man up and it works. Some things are just easier to hear from peers. Ashley comes back upstairs and her boyfriend reminds her to be polite to her mother. She glares at him, but remembers that he is her ticket out of her mother's house and nods. People are getting anxious and restless as they wait for news.Danielle enters the room, nods at Caroline, and sits down. Caroline starts reading her Hallmark slogans off of prepared 3X5 notecards. She has tried to stay out of Danielle's life, she has tried to convince her family to stay out of Danielle's life, she thinks everyone is trying to win at a game that can't be won, she knows they are all adults, it's a small town, they should move past this. She takes a deep breath and blurts that she doesn't know why Danielle is pursuing the case against Ashley when Danielle of all people knows what it is like to be young and make mistakes. Danielle doesn't appreciate the mention of her prostitution-whore past, but calmly reminds Caroline that Ashley assaulted her. Caroline agrees. Danielle says Ashley must be punished and Caroline agrees. Caroline thinks that if Danielle wants to pursue a career in love and light, she should forgive Ashley to show her the path of redemption. Give her a real Razor's Edge type of moment. Caroline swears that Ashley is sorry and has integrity to stand up to what she did. Actually, Caroline, Ashley just said she wouldn't apologize to Danielle, so now you're just lying. Caroline then demands to know what she personally has ever done to Danielle. For some reason (mortification?) Danielle doesn't remind her that she called her garbage on national television. Instead, Danielle asks Caroline what she ever did to her? Caroline clenches her jaw, leans forward, and stares Danielle levelly in the eyes and says: I am Jacqueline, I am Dina, I am Ashley. When I stand, I don't stand alone. Which I am pretty sure is straight from Nietzsche.
Danielle then misses the opportunity to reverse that and say, well, then Caroline, you pulled $150 worth of weave out of my head. Caroline's note cards get tossed out the window as her careful arguments devolve into accusing Danielle of assaulting babies, supporting terrorist organizations, kicking puppies, and defaming the beloved Brownstone. Also her friend called her son a pejorative word for gay in her presence. THIS TOO IS HER FAULT. Danielle refuses to take responsibility for her fine-feathered friend Jailbird Danny, but Caroline wants her too. Caroline's desire for Danielle to take responsibility for her friends' actions is completely negated by Caroline's inability to take any responsibility for her family's actions. The civil tone of the conversation continues to erode as the volume raises and the women just start talking right over each other. It only stops long enough for Danielle to say something derogatory about Caroline's friends who are under indictment and I am sorely tempted to start some rapid fire Googling, but will settle for watching Caroline gulp and change the subject.
In retaliation, Caroline calls Danielle a clown. Which is not a four-letter word, but Danielle takes it as one anyway because (let her check her iCal) nope, she has nothing better to do right now. Caroline then remembers that she once called Danielle garbage and might as well do it again. That is too much for Danielle, who bows out of the competition. Caroline points out that Danielle is walking away, not Caroline, a fact I am sure she is aware of. Caroline yells, "Goodbye! Have a nice life!" and then adds a "See You Later," which I think, under the circumstances, was kind of the wrong thing to say. So Danielle walks away, pulls out her phone and I really hope she is going to coldly blurt, "BURN IT DOWN" into the phone and the building will explode as Danielle walks away, head held high on the path of peace and light. But instead, she tells the bodyguard that Caroline called her garbage, twice, and he replies that he parked in a handicap spot and has to move the car.
Danielle's back up bodyguard reluctantly walks out of the shadows and pretends to listen to her whine about her female troubles. Inside, Caroline swears to the camera that she was really trying to be nice and came with the best intentions, but Danielle is blank and soulless and probably drinks French wine instead of Italian like decent folk. Outside,