Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: C | 106 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT The Human Diary
By Cindy McLennan | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.05.2013
PROPHECY? I cannot deal with the rest of what Katherine is saying, because since when did Q-Tessa's jealous, psychotic raving ascend to prophecy? You want your money back, Kiki? Get in line. I'm younger and have better insurance. Katherine wonders how the panic beleaguered Stefan is going to help her stay alive, when he can't help himself. To that end, she has called for backup and it's knocking at the front door.
Stefan opens the door to find Caroline, who has brought with her the Pierce & Franklin safe that served as Stefan's... summer home. It's totally cool, because even though it served as Stefan's months-long torture chamber, Care Bear sanitized it. We cut to...
Whitmore College. Elena shows up uninvited at Aaron's dorm room, you know -- the one he used to share with Jesse, who is now dead… just like everyone in Aaron's life, except the bad Dr. Wes Maxfield. Elena tries to act shocked and saddened, even though she's the one who did in Jesse. Aaron says Jesse reportedly killed himself. Elena says she's so sorry and I suppose she is.
Aaron and Elena commiserate about having everyone you love die. The angst wafts off the screen and tries to strangle me, so I hit it with some vervain. FUN FACT: In the Cindy-verse, vervain turns angst into rainbows and puppies. Well, that's if it's applied topically. Should you inject vervain into the angst, it turns into Polonium 220. Weird, huh? Anyhow, Elena is there to make it all about Elena. She knows Damon went to talk to Wes last night, and now nobody has seen or heard from either of them. Aaron has an idea where they might be. Well, Virginia is for lovers. We cut to the...
Whitmore House Dungeon. Damon warns Wes that "it" didn't end well for the last Augustines. After Wes asks if that's what Damon told Dr. Whitmore, we flash back to...
1953. Dr. Whitmore examines Damon, who tries to compel the doctor to free him, but Whitmore laughs it off, since he's wearing vervain. The beginning of Whitmore's spiel sounds humane enough. This is for science. You're a vampire. Your blood heals others. Your body heals itself. It takes a hairpin turn as Whitmore explains Damon will regenerate parts of his internal organs after Whitmore removes them. Whitmore ignores Damon's banter and sticks a scalpel in our Evil Pixie Monster's eye. I think he removes part of the eyeball, but I can't will myself to look. As Damon screams, Whitmore flips the side of the exam table and dumps a bleeding-from-the-eye Damon to the floor. We flash forward to...