Episode Report Card LuluBates: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Family Feud
By LuluBates | Season 1 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.21.2001
Nana's making travel plans to return to Manticore. She's not really dressed for Wyoming, but maybe the townsfolk will run her out on a rail, big-city well-heeled hussy that she is. Hee, that'd be funny. I think my phone's ringing again, but, no, it's hers. Lydecker's on the line, and he's pissed. And I don't blame him. He wants to know what Nana's going to say when the Committee finds out she's killing X5s. She says that they won't find out, because there's a team tracking him right now so he is, more or less, dead. He looks perturbed by this revelation. And he decides to drown his troubles in beer. Ah, yes -- there's not much a bottle of Satan's Little Helper won't cure. So Lydecker is getting saucy on the sofa in the hotel room while Max lies unconscious on the bed. She is so talented. As she starts to come to, Lydecker starts to hallucinate and flashback. But he doesn't flashback in black-and-white like all the kids do, oh no; they save the color for the big cheeses. He's remembering and muttering about one time when Max was sick as a child and he stayed with her in the infirmary. He knew he shouldn't have played favorites, but he just couldn't help himself 'cause, well, she's his favorite. He wanted to take her away from it all (and Lord knows the girl could use some Calgon). He wanted take her somewhere safe where they couldn't do anything to her. Dude's loaded. You can tell, because the camera is out of focus and keeps swaying back and forth and back and forth. It's pretty nauseating. Dear director: If I wanted the effects of drunkenness, I would just get drunk. Gimlet. Whisky. Whatever. Let's make a deal: If I promise to stay tanked for the entirety of next season, will you lay off the sick-making camera work? Yes? Thank you. Love, Lulu Bates.
Anyway, Max is waking up, and she realizes that something is really wrong. She looks at Lydecker, realizes what he's saying, notices that she's handcuffed to the bed, and starts to look like a flogged log. She's really good when she's asleep, though! Lydecker tells her that the van is tracking her, but he won't let them take her. He pulls out a gun and says that he won't let them have her. He won't let them take his beautiful, beautiful little girl away. I mean, his dream, his beautiful, beautiful dream. Max kicks the gun out of his hand, and he's too drunk to respond. She asks him why he killed Tinga. He shoots Max a severe look of disdain and asks if she really thinks he could do that to any of his kids? Max snorts, and Lydecker starts a rant with no visible end in sight. I'll sum up: Lydecker had a dream. And that dream was a world where a small group of elite super-soldiers could sabotage, rape, pillage, plunder, and assassinate while the rest of the world sat on their duffs. Lydecker had a dream, and that dream was Manticore. And now Nana is trying to take it all away from him. She murdered Tinga. She's evil. And she has evil hair. Max looks sleepy. Actually, Max looks pretty Glamour Shots for being knocked out, drugged, and held hostage in a flea-bag motel. Gotta love pink backlighting. It does a lot for a girl. Which is why I have my entire apartment done up with it. Max convinces him to let her go. Which he does, just before Brinn and the troops rush in. Brinn knocks out the extra with an extreme reverse high kick. Maybe her mom was a Rockette. Really. I watched it three times. Funniest scene of the whole show.
Meanwhile, Zack and Logan work out a plan of action which involves Zack doing everything and Logan nodding in approval. Zack called two other X5s, Krit and Syl, and they came to help find Max. Okay, okay, I've been trying to avoid asking questions, but how the hell did those X5s get there so quickly? Do they all live in the greater Seattle area or something? Do they all hang out in Reston and Fife? I don't get it. And, since I'm on this here pedestal already, where the hell did the junior X5s get their names? We know they named themselves, so where did the names Krit and Syl come from? Are they off a box of laxatives they had lying around the Manticore compound or something? Oh, whatever. So as the X5s prepare themselves for the rescue mission, Max crashes through the door of their secret hideout in a big ol Humvee. Because doors are not in any way important to keeping secret locations secret. She jumps out of the car and says hello to everyone and gives a wave of the tongue to Logan, who's just standing around because he can. She walks back to the car and pulls out Lydecker. The X5s stare in horror and amazement that Max brought the fox into the chicken coop, and then Lydecker swears he doesn't want KFC for dinner, he wants Chinese. Everyone's suspicious except Max, who is just buying it all. And I'm just buying it all because it's late, I'm tired, and, as mentioned above, I don't have to watch this crap for a long time. But did you notice how I didn't mention that Max just showed up at a completely random location? How she just appeared at this garage/warehouse? Note that I did not ask how the hell she could have known they were there? Did you notice? I thought you did.