Episode Report Card 1 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT Nymrods Just Want Demian Dead
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.19.2003
The Eternal Spring Of Demian's Everlasting Torment. My erstwhile brother-in-law greedily laps up handfuls of water from the babbling brook as the Nymrods finally realize they've been had. After a moment, my EBIL glows up yellow and rises to speechify something about getting his revenge and blah, and it's so not important because we all know he's going to be as dead as my poor husband in about ten minutes, so let's cut to the chase: Faced with the danger my EBIL now represents, Raige snaps out of her whip-it-induced trance and morphs back down to Glamorous Lady form. She orders the Nymrods to seal off The Eternal Spring Of My Everlasting Torment, and moves to attack my EBIL. My EBIL pimp-smacks her across the clearing, where she slams her head into another boulder. Meanwhile, the Nymrods have placed their hands over the, um, portal-thingy. Rays. Smears. Cheese. Howling from my EBIL. Once they've closed off access to The Eternal Spring Of My Everlasting Torment, Bulimia and Anorexia dumb-ass their way out of the clearing. Yes, "dumb-ass" is now a verb. My EBIL checks to ensure Raige won't be following him, then smears off to…
…arrive at the scene of my poor husband's doom. My EBIL clomps around calling out, "[Xavy]! Where are you?" "You're stepping on him," Phoebe astutely notes. My EBIL glances down to discover that he's standing in the middle of my poor husband's ashes. My EBIL freaks and jets a stream of fire in Piper's direction. Piper parries with the Hands Of Discontent. The destructive forces smash into each other in mid-air, emitting a concussion blast that flattens the three present. Phoebe whips another vial at my EBIL, but his Super-Magical Eternal Spring Immunity simply absorbs the potion and shimmers for a bit before spitting the vanquish back out. My EBIL grins and jets an arc of flame into the commercial break.
And we're back. Piper and Phoebe square off against my erstwhile brother-in-law, realize they can't beat him, and flee. They get all of ten feet away from my EBIL before they stop dead in their tracks to bellow for the Nymrods. Anorexia and Bulimia presently materialize, and drag the gals over to Raige's unconscious body. Piper's about to summon the Dolt, but Bulimia stops her. She takes the pendant of Super-Magical Eternal Spring Water every Nymrod wears around her neck and dribbles a drop or two into the jagged fracture at the back of Raige's head. Raige splutters and gasps and wakes up just as my EBIL roars in the distance. Piper and Phoebe help Raige to her feet as my EBIL appears at the top of the hill above them and begins to make his threatening way down, like, shithead? EBIL? Over here. You shoot fire from your hands, you can smear anywhere you want, and oh, yeah -- YOU'RE INVINCIBLE. Why the fuck are you casually ambling down a steep incline when you could have materialized instantly in front of these wenches and fried them all straight to Hell? Huh? HUH? Asshat.