Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Judge Ling
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 11.04.2001
Fish and Cage are sitting at the bar, talking about the fact that women don't go for John that much anymore. Fish says that having money makes women want you. Not exactly true, but then, Fish is a pig. John asks rhetorically, "Maybe only freakish women are attracted to me?" Hellew! Is this seat taken? Dame Edna sits next to him and places her heavily ringed hand heavily on his shoulder, heavily hitting us over the head with a heavy anvil. Again, we saw all this in the commercial.
Morning. Dame Edna emerges from the elevator, and greets Ally, that lovely creature. Ally is flattered. But she needs Dame Edna to limit her testimony to those awful telemarketing calls. Oooh, yes! Dame Edna can do that. Glenn comes off the elevator next, chewing on a hot dog. Oooh! Dame Edna sees he shares her "love of intestines." Glenn groans that this is his breakfast, so please don't say gross words like "intestines." Dame Edna says she usually likes "to grab one early in the day. A quickie!" She means COCK, get it? Get it!? Oh, my sides! The not subtle double entendre RULES! WOOO! But wait -- Ray has moved for a hearing, so the depo with Dame Edna has to be done in court. More non-subtlety! WOOO!
Nelle and Fish are in court, watching Ling go as her bad judge self. She's sworn in and everything. Fast? Not for this show. She calls a case, a Pamela Whoop, or "Hoop," since the "W" is silent. Ling mutters, "Maybe when you say it, it is." The Whoopster is suing a TV station for predicting a clear day, and it rained. Ling is all, "You lose! Next!" One guy is suing his ex-fiancée for keeping the engagement ring. They were engaged for six weeks. "Did she have sex with you during this time?" "Yes, but..." "She gets to keep the ring. Look at her, look at you. Next!" Nelle and Fish munch popcorn, amused. Me, not so much.
John apporaches Elaine. Does she remember the first time they met? No. Ho ho ho! John skedaddles to Coretta's office for that man makeover. Not for him, but for a friend, "who is curious." Coretta says she'll show John, and John can show his friend. First, she suggests penciling in thicker eyebrows. Big old eyebrows are a sign of virility, she says. Yeah, right. First I think of Gene Shalit. Then, the Gallagher brothers from Oasis. Virile? Or annoying? You decide. Next, Coretta reveals that she designs bodysuits. Subtle ones. Made of recycled anvils. Is this an Elaine thing? Can any new characters have tics of their own? Unique tics? Is this too much to ask? John will try a bodysuit. Sigh.
Court. Glenn is trying to argue that Dame Edna isn't quite representative of the class in the 72,000-strong class-action suit. Oh, isn't she? says Hot Guy Ray. The judge is all, get her on the stand! Dame Edna emerges. Hellew! She's so happy to be in this old historic room that goes so well with her frock, and how ex-CI-ting is is to be here, like being on television! She's so happy to meet the judge, and blows him a kiss before finally taking the stand and swearing to tell as much truth about this case as she can. Ally steps up. Dame Edna burps horribly and her voice drops an octave or two. Acid reflux. It's gross. Dame Edna natters on about how lovely Ally is, burrp, and that she's suing the phone companies because lovely Jenny asked her to, burrrp, and the frequent calls are as bad as leaf blowers, disturbing her in her co-LOW-nial home. Ally hollers at Dame Edna, which hurts her feelings. "You're what -- a size two? Such a loud, booming voice!" Now Dame Edna doesn't feel like talking about it. Uh oh.