Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Judge Ling
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 11.04.2001
Ling, wearing that great red coat, walk into the Chief Justice's office, muttering, "This better be good." The Chief is so old...HOW OLD IS HE!? His first condom was made out of bark. So old, he farts dust. So old, he rode a dinosaur to school. So old, his social security number is seven. His voice is the voice children put on when they try to talk like old people, all quavery and comical. Ling asks how old the Chief is. HOW OLD IS HE!? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know. Anyway, the woman with the two babies to whom Ling was patronizing is the govenor of Massacheusetts. She's offered Ling a judgeship. The old man sputters and coughs. Ling whacks him with her purse. She can be sworn in today and on the bench tomorrow. Ling likes the idea. But does she have to know the law? "Not really. [Ling] would have clerks." Heh. Ling salivates. "Judge Ling...I like it." Of course she does. The music is scary. Hee.
John enters Ally's office and asks whether she thinks these "kids are good lawyers." Plus, Glenn is sooo good-looking, isn't he? Ally mumbles and fidgets. Oh, and what did John mean when he was talking about friends being lovers and lovers friends and all that hoo-hah the other day? 'Member? 'Member that? John says he didn't know. What a PUSSY! Ally says she thinks she and John have always had a connection (they did?), and John has always had an intuition (he did?) about her life. "John, we both know what's going on here...you think I'm going to become lovers with somebody who's my friend, right?" Meaningfuly pause. "You're not merely my friend, are you, John?" John advances gingerly. "You're more like my big brother." Kaboom. The music skids to a stop. John is all, "Carry on," and takes his heartbroken self on out of there.
With the deposition minutes away, Glenn and Ally are anxious. Their witness hasn't shown up yet. The elevator doors open and there's Hot Guy Ray. He calls Ally "thin mint" and the passing Nelle "soft serve." Hee! It's a rattling technique. Ally goes to belt him, and Glenn holds her back, allowing plenty of anvil-sized sparks to pass between them. Finally, the witness shows up. It's Dame Edna, world-famous Aussie talk-show host, with her lilac hair and a Chanel-esque purple sequined jacket on. Since she isn't playing herself, she has round eyeglass frames on. She chirps how delighted she is to meet Jenny, who sounded "thicker" on the phone but is really "almost exquisite." Ally and Glenn are, of course, agog at their wacky-looking witness. This is the whole bit -- Dame Edna looks funny, and may hurt their case. Do I have to go on? She is nutty and comedic, everyone can see it. She calls Glenn "strapping" and makes a great face, like she wants to just eat him up. The three lawyers nervously confer. Glenn is all, "Our case hinges on THAT?" That it does. Dame Edna sneaks up on the three huddled nitwits and asks when the deposition begins. They jump a mile each, then guess now.