Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT That Plot Hole Episode
By Demian | Season 1 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.06.1999
Prue, Phoebe, and Piper sneak onto the landing. Downstairs, Grams has received another call. It's Patty, and apparently she's frantic, for Grams repeatedly orders her to calm down. "Mom," Prue breathes. Phoebe looks stricken. "A premonition?" Grams snorts into the phone. "You don't have premonitions." Prue confirms that Patty and Piper's powers were one and the same as Piper herself tiptoes over to the upstairs extension to eavesdrop on the conversation. After a bit of half-hearted hissing over invading Grams's privacy, Phoebe and Prue leap to join Piper at the receiver. Snicker. "I felt a twinge in my stomach," Patty claims, "and then bam! I saw it -- three women, warlocks, and one of them was taking Prue!" While Grams mutters some unintelligible reassurances into the phone before ringing off, Phoebe wonders if Patty's mysterious premonition was of the Ps themselves. Prue's all, "Whatever! Let's go." Piper replaces the receiver in the cradle, and the three women creep down the stairs.
As the three reach the main hallway, Wee Prue clomps onto the sun porch in her bitty Mary Janes, followed immediately by an overall-clad Wee Piper. In a terrible piece of blocking, Wee Prue stops short and glances over at the off-screen kiddie wrangler, allowing Wee Piper to round awkwardly past her towards the parlor. The off-screen kiddie wrangler makes huge blinking gestures in front of her face by snapping her fingers open and closed. The child portraying Wee Prue obligingly bats her eyes, nodding her entire head as she does so like she's some pint-sized Barbara Eden. A toddler-sized sofa skitters across the floor to block Wee Piper's path into the parlor. "No-ah fay-yuh!" Wee Piper chants. "Yoo-zin' maa-jick!" Oh, Lord. Okay, even I am forced to admit that these two little girls are adorable. Well, Wee Piper is, at any rate -- Wee Prue looks like someone found a three-foot-tall frog and slapped it into a pair of red tights and a wig, and while I'm insulting one defenseless little girl, I might as well note that there's actually quite a bit of the vole thing going on around Wee Piper's face, but anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. However. I hate child actors. Hate. Them. I hate child actors so much, I want some Hell-sent, fire-breathing, Flaming-Ball-Of-Death-flipping dark demonic force to materialize on the set and abscond with these admittedly-adorable-if-somewhat-frog-and-rodent-like wee ones to some impossible-to-find nether region of the Underworld for the remainder of the episode. I don't want them to die, see; I just want them far, far away from my television screen so I don't have to recap lisping, winsome, precocious, dewy-eyed moppets who can't. Freaking. Act. Not that they should be able to act -- I mean, God forbid there be any child on this planet so warped that he or she actually could toss out a believable performance, because how fucked up would that kid be? Tatum O'Neal, anyone? Yeah, so. Wee Prue? Wee Piper? Nice meeting you. Now go away.