Episode Report Card Deborah: B+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Dance Me Outside
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.15.2004
After the commercial, Helen and Will are being chastised in their room by Miles. Man, I love the armoire opposite their bed. Miles is pacing in front of them and saying that normally that they'd be asked to leave, but given the late hour and the fact that they've paid in full already, "We will grant a dispensation." Will, who's holding an ice bag to his neck, says, "He started it." Miles snaps, "I don't care who started it, sir! You participated. And I've had my eye on you from the beginning. Oh yes, Mr. Gun In Your Armpit." Will says it was on his belt. Helen adds, "And he is a cop." Miles: "Yes. Everyone is painfully aware." He asks them "respectfully" to stay in their room for the rest of the night and leave first thing in the morning. Will: "He's grounding us?" Miles: "If that's how you choose to see it." Helen: "Why don't we just leave?" Will: "And give him the satisfaction?" Helen says she was thinking of her satisfaction: "But apparently I'm the only one." Will: "I'm sorry, honey, there was a situation." Miles: "Be that as it may..." Helen stands up and barks at him, "Oh, shut up!" She turns to Will and says, "Look, you hate being here, you didn't want to come...obviously spending some quiet time with me is not top of your list..." He stands up too, and tells her she's wrong. And he asks her not to use the word "quiet." She wants to get out of there. He says it's late, and they're tired, and suggests staying. He asks Miles if they can order room service. Miles says they don't offer it: "There's a delicious vegan restaurant on the premises, but -- oops! I forgot. You're forbidden to go there." He goes to the door and pompously delivers his parting shot: "If you're hungry...I suggest you just chew on the consequences of your actions." He leaves, and Will and Helen look at each other and burst out laughing. He hugs her, and she pushes him away, saying, "I'm still mad at you!"
Back at the party, some kids are playing cards at the kitchen table. Or some sort of card-related pastime where you stick cards to your face. I really don't know, sorry. Bookworm, remember? There's Makeout Couple again from a different angle. Get a room. Friedman's on the couch between Luke and Glynis, looking through a photo album. Grace is hanging over Luke's shoulder. Friedman points out a picture: "Oh, man, here's Luke in his little Dalmatian outfit!" Glynis squees: "Oh, look at his little ears!" We see a page of photos. At least a couple of them look like they could really be Michael Welch. I hope the Dalmatian costume one is really him. Luke says it was Hallowe'en and he was three years old. Luke tries to close the album, but Grace wants to see more, and Friedman fends him off. Glynis simpers, "The colour palette suits you." Friedman finds a picture of a baby in a bathtub and slobbers, "Dude, your sister's, like, naked!" Luke: "She's a baby!" Over in another area of the room, some kids are raiding their parents' liquor stash. Joan barks, "Hey!" She races over and grabs the bottles, shooing the guys away. She puts them right back where they were, as if someone won't be in there again the minute she turns her back. She complains to Luke that people are raiding the liquor cabinet. He knows. She demands to know why he didn't stop them. Luke: "Like I can." Friedman: "Look at the legs on her!" Oh, please! Those are her childhood pictures. Shut it, Friedman, before we have to lock you up along with Michael Jackson. Joan asks if those are her baby pictures. Grace points and comments to Joan: "Impressive use of fat." Ha! Grace really got almost all the best lines tonight. Joan frets, "This is a nightmare!" Suddenly Adam, with his usual impeccable timing, comes up and asks if she wants to dance. Joan blurts: "What?" Adam: "Uh, dance. With me?" Joan: "Adam, I can't. I'm at a party here!" She grabs the photo album and storms off. Adam says to himself, "Just thought I'd ask." She heads for kitchen, where she gets briefly entangled in some kind of conga line but manages to elbow her way past.