Episode Report Card Kim: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cruel And Unusual Punishments
By Kim | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 08.17.1999
This episode was directed by Oz's own Tim McManus, Mr. Terry Kinney. Did you see the fine work he did in Save the Last Dance?
Hill sits on a black platform. As walls slam down around him, Hill informs us that life in Oz sucks. No kidding. This show is the best crime deterrent around. Not that I was thinking about committing any crimes, but if I were, watching this show has convinced me that I would commit suicide before going to prison. Anyway, Hill's point is that, in the olden days, punishment was different. For example, if someone was arrested for drunkenness, he would be forced to wear a whiskey barrel and walk around town, letting the citizens make fun of him. That still sounds preferable to prison to me.
Cyril is working the heavy bag in the gym. Pancamo is sparring nearby and, after landing a particularly brutal punch on his opponent, reminds Cyril that he is next. Apparently, Pancamo and Cyril are the competitors in the next match in the boxing tournament (a.k.a. McManus's worst idea ever). Ryan urges Cyril to keep practicing, and then looks over at Murphy for tips, but Murphy just shrugs and rolls his eyes as only Murphy can.
Later, Murphy tells Ryan that Pancamo is tough, and that the only advantage Cyril has is speed. Murphy comments that Ryan doesn't seem too worried. Ryan replies that he has faith. Murphy walks off, saying that faith is good, but that his money is on Pancamo. I know I've said it before, but Murphy deserves a slot in the next edition of Law & Order because he can out-Briscoe Briscoe.
Ryan asks Cudney to steal some more chlorohydrate, but Cudney refuses. Ryan reminds him of their deal, but Cudney says that he has confessed and promised to sin no more. Ryan says that there are others who will do it. Cudney has figured out what Ryan is doing with the drug, but Ryan claims that it's "crazy talk." Cudney goes on to say that he's made an appointment with the warden to tell him of Ryan's doings. Cudney thinks that by turning Ryan in, he's saving both their souls. Silly Cudney! Ryan has no soul! Well, it looks like Cudney has just signed his own death warrant, because we all know that Ryan isn't above killing someone to avoid getting caught.
Ryan approaches Yuri, the crazy Russian. Ryan tells Yuri he's heard that the Russians are "crazy fucked-up motherfuckers," and Ryan needs a job done. Ryan flashes a wad of cash to seal the deal.
The guards are taking inventory, and Cudney turns up missing. He's lying in his bed, and when the guard goes in to see what the deal is, they find that -- to the surprise of none of the viewers -- Cudney has shuffled off this mortal coil. Murphy figures out that Cudney has been stabbed in the neck, based on the two tiny puncture wounds there. Cut to Yuri putting the earpieces back onto his glasses; looks like that was the murder weapon. Russky yells at Yuri in Russian, but Yuri apparently isn't having it, and walks out. Ryan walks by Yuri in slow motion, and nods.