Episode Report Card Gwen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Here We Go Again
By Gwen | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.01.2000
In a flashback to the Oakwood Chapel, Heather smilingly jilts Matt, who couldn't even wash his hair for his own thwarted wedding. The scene fades back to Matt in the kitchen with his dad. He goes on to explain that he's not living with Heather. They're together a lot, but not living together. RevCam hiccups or something and then Matt warns, "Don't ask, okay? You're only going to make me mad." RevCam tells him, "It's 'angry,' not 'mad,'" and then asks if Matt's ever going to marry Heather. Matt answers negatively. Eric suggests Matt be honest with her. Matt makes some stupid excuse and then asks his dad to talk to Heather. Eric refuses to break up with Heather on Matt's behalf. Gosh, Matt's a loser.
Mr. Russo, the new principal of Roosevelt Elementary, is telling Ruthie's class that their new fourth-grade teacher couldn't make it in from New York after all. So their teacher for the year is Ms. Riddle, the woman who called Ruthie stupid the year before. A couple of Ruthie's classmates whisper that Ms. Riddle called them "moron" and "imbecile," respectively. So what does a teacher have to do to get fired in this district, I wonder? Ruthie asks to be excused, saying that she's sick. Mr. Russo, who's sort of cute with his red hair and huge white tie, looks stunned and follows her out the door. Cue the wary clarinet, please.
Lucy, now with one button fastened on the red shirt, accosts two boys in the high school hallway and asks if they've seen Andrew Nayloss. It's a good thing she keeps repeating his last name, because I almost forgot it after the first twenty times. The boys tell her that Andrew found a girlfriend in Europe and isn't coming back. Instead of gathering some dignity and walking away, Lucy says, "So? This is America!" (Shout-out to me! How'd they know it'd be me and not Cate recapping this episode? I knew I'd get a personal shout-out sooner or later!) Lucy starts barking that she's Andrew's girlfriend and this is their senior year. One of the boys tells her, "Don't yell at me. I had nothing to do with it." Then he smirks and takes off. Lucy yells about Andrew's father and then looks around at the staring kids as if she's funny or something.
Some boy named Jim with crutches and a cast walks up to Simon's locker to say hi. He invites Simon to TP a cheerleader's house that evening. Simon makes his patented face of moral-dilemma sufferance.
At Eddie's pool hall, Mary asks the bartender if she can leave her post for a few hours to car-shop. She babbles about the good tips she made that morning and how they'll eventually add up to enough to purchase a new car. The bartender is unrealistically patient as he tries to reason with her. Then she asks if she can borrow his car. He says "no," which I guess means, "Get your sorry ass out of here. You're fired" in whatever language he's speaking. He tells her she can have an hour for lunch. She leaves her apron on a chair as she exits with a smile. Man, I'm glad Jessica Biel's leaving the show this season. Now if they could just get the other actors to quit and then replace them with hot guys of my choosing, this would be a quality television program. ["You should write a letter. I mean it." -- Sars]