Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gabrielle Come Blow
By Alex Richmond | Season 7 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.03.2002
Phyllis is awake, and cooking up a storm in the kitchen. She tastes the tomato-based whatever bubbling on the stove, flinches, then liberally doses it with spices. Then she adds a few whole red chilis, a heaping handful of bay leaves which she crushes in her hand, then a bunch of onion flakes. Then she dumps most of the bowl of onion flakes in the pot. Woo! Spicy.
Eric and Annie are in the basement. Annie is worried that Eric's heart is going to explode if he worries too much about the associate pastor deal. Lou is all, it's a small town! The new pastor came a day earlier than expected! I didn't want you to find out from somebody else! I tried to call but the phone was busy! Eric says, "SHUT UP, LOU." That is awesome. Annie gets hysterical in her attempt to calm her husband down. Annie? Chill.
Back in the kitchen, Phyllis Diller finds an open bottle of wine, removes the cork with her teeth, and adds about a full wine glass' worth of it to the tomato sauce. Mmmm. She looks at the reminder in the bottle, and after pouring the wine in her mouth, she gargles with it. So classy.
Annie says again, "Eric. Your heart!" His heart what? Shut up, woman. You're only making it worse. Eric says, "SHUT UP, ANNIE!" That rules! Annie whacks Lou and says sorry, then collapses on his chest in tears. Lou says it's okay, she's been under a lot of stress. Shut up, Lou.
We're back in the kitchen with Phyllis. Ben wants to know her deal. "Is she like the maid?" I say no, she just showed up on their doorstep. "How biblical," he says. "And do the kids have Creed posters on their walls? How long do you have to recap this for?" Even Jesus hates Creed. And I'm just a sub. Isn't it meta?
Eric enters the kitchen. Phyllis asks if he didn't just have heart surgery. Yeah. He did. She forces him to taste her sauce, which he does reluctantly and with a grimace. Once it goes down his gullet, though, he's in love. He calls it "the best spaghetti sauce [he's] ever had in [his] life." She fixes him up a plate, and he says something about waiting for the others. She insists that he can sit down with them and eat then, too. He digs in heartily. She asks if he'd like a glass of wine with that, and he says, mildly disapprovingly, that he "doubt[s] there's any wine in the house." Phyllis laughs and holds up a finger, then retreats to her bag and pulls out a bottle. He looks shocked, then a little glad. Phyllis just shrugs like, hey, I'm a major alkie! We've got to be resourceful!
Basement. Annie is still leaning on Lou, still weeping. Wow, did she forget about her family for a second? What a bad mother! Rev Lite comes down, sees the scene, then goes back upstairs. Why would he go down there? To butt in some more?