Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gabrielle Come Blow
By Alex Richmond | Season 7 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.03.2002
RevCam, sprawled out on the couch, asks for his computer so he can do some writing. Annie is all, oh, sure, it's in the kitchen cabinet. Hidden. He's all, when did my computer get from the church over to here? Oh, she can't remember. Between feeding and washing the brood and shopping and laundry and popping out pups, she forgot. She didn't want him to work on his sermons and get all worked up. Hey, are the Camdens Baptist? Seriously, I don't know. The twins lumber up wordlessly, then start to sing. Jesus loves them. This they know. Hey, you know what? The twins are not human. Kids don't do that. They don't just run up and sing the same song over and over again. And they don't fold towels voluntarily. I'm freaked out now. ["I don't know about the towels thing, and I'm pretty sure the twins aren't of human origin, but I'm here to testify that they do the singing thing. The esteemed Mr. Stupidhead drove the rest of the family batshit crazy singing the theme song from Pinwheel over and over again for, like, a year. To this day we can't stand to hear it. You'd think after five other kids that RevCam would be immune to that by now, but I feel his pain intimately. Aaaaanyway." -- Sars] RevCam is all, please kill me, and Annie waggles her eyebrows and blinks a lot at him, then goes off to answer the doorbell.
Ding-dong. It's Phyllis Diller, alias "Gabrielle," at the door. In a maid's uniform, and smoking. She's been sent by the Colonel to help. With the faint strains of robots singing "Jesus Loves Me" in the background, Annie motions for Phyllis to come in.
Phyllis is chilling in the CamYard, smoking like it's an art form. Lucy and Ruthie come up and instantly disapprove. Okay -- why would La Diller do this show? She must have a new PR person -- she was also in the latest issue of Bust. So, Phyllis loves to work, has a keen sense of humor, and...I'm out. Why would she do SevHev? Could she have a relative (possibly differently abled) who's hooked on the show? Again, the email address is alexrichmond@televisionwithoutpity.com. Ruthie is all, you shouldn't be SMOKING, Miss Whoever You Are in our yard where nothing this shocking ever happens. Phyllis says smoking "keeps [her] awake." Well, what if she falls asleep with a "cancer stick" in her hand? Hopefully, says Phyllis, she'll be too drunk to notice and wake up already cremated, put into a "peanut butter jar," and tossed out to sea. She cackles and smokes some more. Oh, and do their parents "have any booze in the house?" Lucy grabs Ruthie and drags her away. Phyllis drags away on her smoke. I love Phyllis Diller.
Annie, having watched this scene from inside the house, implores RevCam to call the Colonel. He doesn't want to -- that's work, stressful work, and he's not supposed to do that. Tick tick boom, remember? Lucy and Ruthie come in and are all, there's a lady on our porch. Smoking! Annie gets into a snit. Did someone tell the Colonel she needed help? She doesn't need any help! She's FINE! She can do it ALL! All without help! Simon comes in and says, "There's a really cool lady on our porch." Annie tells the kids to go straighten up their rooms and then come back and set the table and then help her with dinner. Simon says he was hoping the lady on the porch was here to do all that. Annie opens her favorite book, A Million And One Faces Of Exasperation, and runs through a few of her favorites. The kids skedaddle. Annie and Eric fight: who needs help? Who's getting rid of this maid-type person? Eric doesn't want to do it -- it "seems like work [he's] not supposed to be doing. [He] just had open-heart surgery. [He's] not well." The fact that this show is so exposition-y is helpful and all, but Eric? Shut up.