Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's so hard to find good conspiracy participants
By Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 09.18.2005
As Sucre paces and frets in the cell, Michael continues climbing ever skyward. He grins as he realizes he's near the ceiling, then works his way down. As he's scampering down one corridor, a door opens and a figure fills the doorway. Cue Michael's freak-out.
And cue the commercials. These Ex-Presidents' Club for Men ads are kind of unnerving. So is Patricia Heaton swaddled in satin and running her big yap about the fantastic savings I can enjoy at my local Albertson's. All of you outside California are very lucky.
We get back from commercials and Sucre's having his own little hissy. But who cares? We all want to see how Michael's getting out of his dilemma! And the answer is…by hanging, Spiderman-like from the ceiling while a crusty old maintenance guy walks the corridor and enjoys a quick puff. Well, it's quick to him -- but he just happens to park under Michael and blow his smoke into Michael's face, and Michael sweats so profusely from nerves, he's raining sweat on the floor. I would have enjoyed this scene more had it a) featured Westmoreland, thus opening up a whole new world of possibilities, and b) not been so asinine. When did Michael pick up the ninja stealth concealment skills?
And it's not like Michael gets to relax when he comes back to the cell and reinstalls the sink: Sucre's nagging him with, "This ain't going to last. The 'Ricans, we got genetically higher blood pressure, you know that? My cousin, he died from too much stress." Michael doesn't even look up from the job he's doing as he says, "I thought you said your cousin was moving in on your girl." Sucre snaps, "That's my other cousin. But thanks for bringing that up, jackass." So Hector's his cousin? Wouldn't that make future family reunions awkward, depending on who shows up with Maricruz? Michael tells him that he knows he can get to the roof, and it's just a question of timing.
We see Abruzzi and his cellie making a key using the mold from the soap. I…I am still clapping my hands to believe in fairies and improbable prison capers, so I have very few parts left to type anything skeptical about this whole key-making endeavor.
Meanwhile, on the outside…Nick the legal beagle and Veronica are talking to some grubby film geek about the surveillance tape, and he seizes the chance to bloviate with both pudgy hands, nattering ceaselessly about how the eye will deceive you but the ear will always detect what's off. And in this case, what's off is that the gunshot lacks any corresponding echo off the garage walls, so it's clearly been dubbed into the tape by experts. The guy concludes, "If you want me to testify in court, I'm going to need to get my hands on the original." Nick and Veronica exchange looks like, Should we pretend we have a fighting chance that we can clap hands and eyes on the tape, or just forget about it and get a mocha at Starbucks?