Episode Report Card Potes: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Kim Gets A Toaster
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.20.2005
Robin tells the girls that they have saved the most fabulous place on the tour for last. Kyle thinks that it's Tyra's house, but Robin tells them that it is in fact their new place. Bitches. The girls rush in and immediately start screaming. There are pictures of Tyra and past Top Model contestants everywhere, and the house is set up like a department store. It's basically like being trapped in the mall at night, which is, I think, the plot of some young adult movie and also a recurring nightmare I had as a child. I knew Tyra was going to get back at me for all those rib comments. As is the show's custom, each room has a pithy name like "Bling It On" and "Eau de Model." The latter smells like Chlamydia. The annoying girls self-select, and so Ebony and Nicole end up as roommates. Bre notes that she went from working in a boutique to sleeping in a boutique, and at this moment I will not go into a gratuitous story about the crazy woman I work with who sometimes sleeps in her office. Unless she's reading this, in which case I have no idea what I'm talking about. Bre starts crying from joy. Ashley and Kim take a room together and interview that they've been friends since the beginning. Jayla points out the hot tub in the middle of the house, which I'm sure will be the scene of some shenanigans later in the season.
A few of the girls look at pictures of past contestants, and someone points out Season 2 victor "Yolanda" [sic]. Meanwhile, by the pool, a few of the small-towners conduct some field research in Sapphic studies, asking Kim if she's bi. She says she only dates girls, to which I say, call me. Kim interviews that a lot of the girls in the house don't know anyone who is gay, and that's exciting for them. She adds that she misses her girlfriend from home, and that she's in an open relationship but doesn't plan on acting on their lack of monogamy. And I am suddenly saddened that I appear to be watching a predictable episode of The Real World. Kim tells the others that her girlfriend can make out with all the boys she wants while Kim is gone, as long as she wants Kim when she gets back. Oh, Kim. Come over to my place and we can talk over all your troubles. Kim says the notion that she'd make out with anyone in the Top Model house is crazy, and Sarah is eager to pipe up with an "I'll make out with you Kim." It's always the ones from Boonville. Sarah says that, being from a small town, she doesn't know any "full-blown lesbians," but that she's open about everything. And by "open," she means "harboring secret fantasies about the puss."