Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Kiss This Show Goodbye: All Sweetness And No Sorrow
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 19 | Aired on 05.05.2002
Back at the office, Liza and Richard get off the elevators. They're arguing. He was "embarrassed" by her courtroom antics. She says they're trying to make Fish Sr. look like the victim, if they can, and to prove a genetic predisposition to becoming obsessed. Oh, for fuck's sake. Fish Sr. is waiting for them in his office. Why? He got served with divorce papers. Commercials.
Liza yells at Richard that she can't be worried about feelings when she's trying to win a lawsuit. Well, Richard is worried. And he does care. What, is his dad going to die alone now, or something? Liza suggests that Richard go talk to his mom. Or, if he's too uncomfortable, she can talk to her for him. No, he stammers, he'll-he'll-he'll go talk to her.
Elaine is enjoying her fireside dinner with the casting dude. No, she never had any professional experience. But every day, after school, boy did she ever put on performances in her bedroom! And not like that, you perverts. So, he laughs, at thirty... He pauses. She yells, "Thirty's fine!" So, at age thirty's-fine, she tries out for "one of the greatest dance musicals ever mounted." Um, what? "Dance musicals"? What-the-fuck-ever. Elaine has put her "dream on hold, basically." And she went for it today, in audition form, not in moving-to-New-York form, like he suggested. And, she thinks she "earned a callback." He looks uncomfortable and takes a big gulp of wine.
Mrs. Fish is making some sandwiches in her kitchen, which is full of ugly paintings. Deli containers are all around. Mrs. Fish slaps Richard's hand away as he picks at some meat. She says she can't deal with this slight, because Fish Sr. had never loved anyone but her, before. Richard asks if she's going to just live alone now, and "what kind of life is that?" She's all, why don't you tell me what kind of life that is, Mister Never-Been-Married- and-Famous-For- Fetishes-Man-Slut- Who-Never-Had- A-True-Partner- According-To-His-Mother? When she looks at Richard, her heart breaks, because he's "incapable of truly loving another. It's a pattern, [he's] a chip off the old block." Damn!
Now, to the slowed-down strains of "Mustang Sally," we see Elaine have sex with the casting dude. Elaine gives good couch!
The next day, Elaine walks quickly through the office, plowing right into Nelle. Nelle is all, ow! Did you not SEE me? Elaine is all, what, am I the only one with eyes? Well, Elaine is the one "blitzing like a linebacker!" Elaine asks that Nelle "leave [her] alone." Nelle freaks and screams, why is Elaine "always such a bitch?" Hey, pot, have you met kettle over here? I think you guys could really hit it off. Elaine throws something big and green at Nelle, who ducks. The thing smacks Dame Edna right in the head. Nice. Elaine stomps into Ally's still-empty office, and Nelle gets a tongue-lashing from Corretta. Nelle asks, why is it always me? "Because it always is!" Corretta yells. Aww, poor Nelle.