Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cocksure
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.02.2012
Meanwhile, Sitch starts developing an early onset hangover from day drinking and decides to hit the sack. It seems like everyone else goes to sleep, too. Then we catch a glimpse of a bunny creeping around the place. Snooki -- only wearing the head -- tiptoes over to Sitch's bed and begins sticking her acrylic nails into her sleeping roommate's various facial orifices. He doesn't notice and just keeps snoring away. She expedites the prank by clamping his nostrils shut. He wakes up with a start to see the frisky rabbit looming over him. She chuckles about scaring Sitch and eating his boogers, then walks out of the room, laughing, "What a weirdo!" I can only assume she's referring to herself.
Bonus footage: Seagulls descend upon the Shore House porch. Snooki is a modern Tippi Hedren in bleached cutoffs and Kanye sunglasses. The end.
The next day, Sammi, Sitch, and Deena report to the Shore Store. It's an especially slow day as Deena makes herself a pair of booty pants that say "I JERSEY TURNPIKE ALL NIGHT!" This way, when she bends over and starts shakin' it, the boys will have a name for how she's violating them. Back at home, JWOWW and Snooki are getting their hair did when Snooki's dad arrives. Snooki forgot he was making the trip down, so she's also booked a doctor's appointment for that afternoon. She tells him it's for a UTI, then admits he doesn't understand why she keeps getting infections down there. My first thought? Rough sex. Snooki's explanation? Sex. (I think it's safe to say rough is probably on the menu, or at least vigorous.) Snooki straight-up tells her dad she forgot he was coming, then sends him to the store to buy her cranberry juice and false eyelashes. There's no TV or Internet in the house, so this is pretty much his best shot at entertainment other than watching the girls get hot pink extensions put in for the next two hours.
Down on the Boardwalk, Sitch runs into Roger. Knowing that JWOWW can't get in touch with him, Sitch can't wait to run home and rub it in her face that he saw the elusive Roger. For the rest of his shift, though, he's going to talk Deena's ear off about his paranoid fantasies that everyone is plotting against him. Deena humors him, but it's obvious she doesn't give a flip about Situation Problems. Her apathy confuses him. Whereas Snooki's enthusiasm for him to confront the others led him to believe his suspicions were correct, her nonchalance makes him think maybe nothing is going on. He determines that one of them is lying. Detective Sitch is on the case!