Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cocksure
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.02.2012
Sitch leaves, and everyone is laughing because they'd be crying otherwise. Ronnie can't believe the fact that it might hurt someone's feelings when you call him a terrorist. Imagine that! Downstairs, Sitch barges into Snooki's confessional session, still in the throes of his total mental breakdown. He thinks he's done everything he can, and yet he is still talk-talk-talking. Snooki continues to advise/goad him to have it out with the roommates. She takes the middle school guidance counselor approach and tells him to lead every sentence with "I feel." Of course, she also encourages him to end every sentence with "What the fuck is going on?" Which is pretty much how I imagine guido middle school counselors guide their charges. Sitch admits that he's all or nothing when it comes to his treatment of others, and he's going to go back to being all nasty all the time. He dates himself by telling Snooki, "Press star-6-9 because I just want to rewind the phone call that you just started." It makes no sense, sure, but hey there 1997!
Sitch redubs himself The Confrontation and heads downstairs for the fight of the century. He finds the boys in the living room and starts to have a heart to heart with them. Pauly is confused, Ronnie is impassive as ever, and the Meatballs are popping popcorn in anticipation of the show. Sitch gets all weepy girly and is all, "Are you maaaaad at me?" Pauly denies anything is wrong and interviews that he thinks Sitch is just overly emotional from drinking. Snooki is frustrated that the fireworks fizzled before the big show.
Determined to erase the memory of that nonevent (and of Sitchy's wiener), Snooki summons Deena to help her put back on the infamous bunny suit for some lapine high jinks. One by one, in quick succession, Deena calls the guys in to sic the Snooki bunny on them. Vinny is first and basically knocks Snooki over. Pauly does defend himself as readily, so he gets humped... like a bunny. The same fate befalls Sitch. Then Deena Jersey Turnpikes the bunny. Then Ronnie gets ambushed against the kitchen wall.
Lest you think he's a helpless soul, he gets his revenge when Pauly suggests a game of warm beer. Basically, you heat up a can of beer (Sammi says in the microwave, which is dangerous and stupid -- just like Sammi). Most people use a lighter, which creates a black ash on the bottom of the can. Then you play a memory game by making invisible marks on the face of the person to your left. Only they're not invisible for whoever's next to the player with the warm beer. Long story short, Snooki gets black crap all over her face. She even says out loud that Ronnie is actively wiping the bottom every time he touches her face, but she doesn't put two and two together. Everyone laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs. She doesn't notice that she looks like Peter Criss until she gets up to go to the bathroom. For a person who's guzzling beer and supposedly has a UTI, she doesn't seem to go to the bathroom that much.
