Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Dream On
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.29.2003
Random Park of Eventual Dixon Detention. Dix and his son are playing a little toss-n-catch while his daughter watches. "Nice catch, Steven!" Dixon's daughter says as her brother miffs a catch. "Hey, Robin," Daddy Dix warns good-naturedly. Just as he does this, he sees what's obviously a government car pull up across the way. A couple of suits get out and rush toward them. Dix beckons his kids to come close as another pair of suits comes at them from an opposite direction. The suits -- FBI agents really -- arrest Dix for conspiracy to impede a federal investigation. Dix is all, Head is gonna ROLL for this! The feds take Dix into custody right then and there, in front of his kids. Man, they suck.
Back in the desert, Syd and Jack uncover a metal box. Jack wants to know if the box is familiar to Syd, but she says it isn't. Jack cracks open the box and kind of looks up in disgust. Syd breathes heavily. And then we see why they're acting like this: a hand. A severed human hand. In the box. A SEVERED HUMAN HAND IN THE BOX. And on it? I mean, besides the beetles and maggots? A Rambaldi eye symbol. Just in case we miss it from far away, Ken Olin zooms in not once, BUT TWICE. Dude. Ken. I liked you better when you were angsting about house rehabbing and diapers on thirtysomething, okay? Now stop eyeballing that nasty piece of dead meat and get on with the credits, STAT.
And now is the time on Alias when we -- wait, WHAT? No dance? No Alias dance? I just...last week it came in at a different time and now NOTHING? I don't. I just. What will I do? "Whatsa mattah, baby?" says Sammy Rock, clad in a rather incongruous teddy bear costume with his butt hanging out. "I just...no music! There's no MUSIC! I can't...I can't breathe!" "Hang on, baby," he says, shuffling off. Just then, from the living room, I hear my favorite Alias opening music. Aw. Sammy Rock. You popped in the Season 1 DVD. You are the best boyfriend EVER. And now is the time on Alias when we dance!
And now is the time on Alias when we EW! A hand! A severed human hand! Gah. Like good little prospectors, Syd and Jack bring the hand back to Incredibly Useful Warehouse #2 for everyone else to gag over. Syd doesn't know if she buried it herself, or if it was left for her to find. Lauren's all, and that symbol? What's it mean? Sloane enlightens her: "It signifies membership in the Magnific Order of Rambaldi. Whoever that person was, he made a vow to safeguard Rambaldi's prophecies." Jack tells Lauren that, when she gets back to Oops Center, she should have Marshall run a DNA test on the hand. Lauren's all, you got it. Syd's all, what's yer alibi? Lauren's all, I'll just go on into Head's office and tell him that I was abducted by the Covenant and that you're still being held hostage. Syd's all, and what are we saying they want in exchange? Sloane's all, hey, I have an idea! What about the Rambaldi device? Syd's all, oh ho ho! Yeah. Because you'd totally DIG that, wouldn't you? Sloane's all, you know what? I'm getting sick and tired of your goddamn paranoia. Think about it. If that damn thing was so valuable to me, why'd I let it go? Syd's all, um, for your freedom? You traded it for your pardon and here's your chance to get it back. And I still think you're a vicious snake, in case I hadn't made that clear so far. Jack's all, honey? Sweetie? It is something the CIA might believe the Covenant would take in exchange for you and, like, once we make the exchange, the device will be destroyed and no one will have it. That sound okay to you, Princess Paranoia? Sloane pipes up that he'll contact Head and confirm that his sources tell him the Covenant was responsible for Syd's breakout. And as soon as he hears from his non-invasive therapy doctor dude, he'll let her know. Syd looks over at Vaughn. "What about you?" she asks in sort of a challenging tone. Vaughn steps up admirably and states that he and Jack are telling the CIA that they were looking into Syd's disappearance and that Vaughn is in the process now of setting up a paper trail.
"There's something else that's just occurred to me," says Lauren. "If [Head's] to believe I was being held by the Covenant, there needs to be some evidence of my mistreatment." Vaughn just goes, "No." Oh, he is SO unconvincing there. Like, say, "Absolutely not!" Or, "Lauren, you don't have to DO THAT!" But not just, "No." And not even with an exclamation point. Dude. You so want to hit her yourself. I know I do. Jack states that Lauren's right. Lauren backs up Jack. Vaughn sort of halfheartedly fights the idea. Jack rightly declares that they need physical evidence to help sell the idea of Lauren's being held prisoner by the Covenant. There's a pause. Lauren turns to Syd. "You should do it," she says. Hell YEAH she should do it! Lauren walks off and says, "Whenever you're ready." Syd looks to Vaughn. "Just get it over with," he says.