Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Dream On
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.29.2003
Back in the barracks, Lauren enters, whipping off her coat. Syd follows. Lauren turns, all, I know how difficult this must be -- WHAM! Syd delivers a roundhouse punch that knocks Lauren on her ass. Somewhere, Mike Tyson's rubbing his cheek and going, "Dayum! Now THAT was a nice punch!" "That was for turning me into [Head]," says Syd as Lauren spits blood out of her mouth. "And this is for helping me break out." Syd leans over and offers her hand to the fallen Lauren. Syd helps her to her feet and says, "Now, let's get this over with." Wait, there's more? Aren't you gonna show it? Well, shit. I've been looking forward to this all week. It made Thanksgiving almost...bearable.
Meanwhile, in a darkened cell somewhere deep in the bowels of Oops Center, Dixon sits, contemplating his current situation. A door buzzes open at the end of the hall and Head the Penis shows up. Head's all, hey, where's Sydney Bristow? You covered for her once and it lost you your job. Do it again, and you're going to be doing crossword puzzles with a dull pencil in this dank cell for the next ten years. Dix is all, yeah, tell it to my lawyer. Head's all, hey, come on, dude! Tell me who broke her out! Was it her dad? Dix just calmly gets to his feet and says, "What I know here is, sending agents to arrest me in front of my children is one of the last mistakes you'll ever make as Senior Director of the NSC." Head just blinks at him, comprehending that, even behind bars and with no weapon anywhere in sight, Dix is more of a bad-ass than Head could ever hope to be. "I've known men like you," Dix continues. "Men who pretend to be patriots. You are always revealed." Before Head can conjure up a totally impotent response, some lackey enters and informs him that Lauren Reed's in the hizouse. Head just walks off, thankful that he doesn't have to stare at the face of honesty and integrity for one second longer than necessary.
Head and Lackey walk down a hall as Lackey informs Head that Lauren was tossed out of a speeding van right in front of Oops Center five minutes ago, and that she refused medical treatment. Head stops outside his door and looks in. Lauren turns around, and man! Sydney did a royal job on her face! Why? Why didn't we get to see that? WHYEEEE? Head enters and, after a lapse in time wherein Lauren's obviously fed him the abducted-by-the-Covenant story, he questions her about whether the Rambaldi device was the Covenant's only demand. Lauren avers that it was. I could recap this entire scene, but it's really not necessary. I'll just cut to the chase here and say that Lauren's performance is terribly convincing, but Head's not buying what she's selling. Also? Lauren's pretty damn pissed off that she's sitting there, bleeding from several spots on her face, and all her boss can do is go, dude? I'm not digging your chili right about now. "I don't know why the Covenant is willing to make this exchange or what it means," says Lauren, about ready to perform a little roundhouse of her own on Penis Head, "but Sydney is depending on your making this happen." "Since when did you and Bristow become so close?" asks Penis Head, which shall now be his new name. "Or is that about sharing the same man?" Oh, ew! "Penis Head" is SO appropriate for him. "This is a woman's life!" says Lauren, agreeing with me that Penis Head is a far better moniker for the dickwad sitting opposite her. "Protect it, or I will report everything you've done to your superiors." Penis Head tries to bully her by mentioning Vaughn's aiding and abetting Sydney out of the country. Lauren just smiles and hands Penis Head a cell phone. "At 6:30 this evening, you are to press redial. The person at the other end will give you the details of the exchange."