Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Double Indemnity, Dammit
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.12.2002
Vonda's been doooooown, she's been down, down down....
Boston by air, woo! Slow flying over the city, la la la. We land at the office where the lovely and talented Kyra "Loves Bacon's Bits" Sedgwick is seated and addressing Liza and Fish. She owns a chain of women's clothing stores -- "Dalton's" -- and doesn't want to complain, but "being in fashion means staring at women's bodies all day." That's a complaint how? I think the line existed only to allow Fish a "me, too" comment, which allowed La Sedgwick to reply, "People say [Fish is] cute, but I'm paying for this meeting, so let me talk." So La Sedgwick is a tough, no-nonsense businesswoman. Helena. Got it. She's married to a man who says she's not competent to run her business, so she wants a divorce. She "likes the guy," but no longer loves him, and if she stays hitched to him she'll "turn out as crazy as he's making [her] out to be." Fish is all, "Done." Liza asks why her husband has this opinion, and looks at her twitching, nervously drumming, red-manicured fingers. Helena is all, "Does it matter?" Liza says it's a mistake to think Helena can "out-bitch" her. Liza? You're fired. Anyway, Helena hands over her files, Fish takes them, and Liza snatches them from his hands. Helena tells them to send her a copy of the files, and takes off. She's wearing a great black dress with a lovely wide red sash thing, and red cuffs. Fish drools over Helena, and since he and Liza are "an item" now, and Liza needs "to train him," she licks two of her fingers and smacks his wrist with them. Hoo boy.
The Uni. Ally hops out of a stall with toilet paper stuck to her shoe. She hops, peels it off, and crazily washes her hands. What undignified comedy. She notices Kyra Sedgwick standing at the sink looking rather lost and spacy, and asks if she needs help. Kyra is all, "Where am I? Are we friends?" Ally is all, "We haven't met, but you seem...nice. You're in a law firm." Kyra is all, ohhh, shit. She explains to Ally that there's "a woman trying to ruin [her] marriage," more specifically, an "alter" that lives inside her. Kyra is a great actress, can I just say, for selling this performance as a woman with a dual personality. She's working it. Go Kyra, with your bad self. Give her an Emmy nomination for next year, even if those always go to that tool Bruce Willis. Anyway, Kyra thinks Helena is seeing a lawyer. Duh! Fish walks in and is all, "Hey Helena, still here?" Kyra puts her head down balefully, full of bale. Ally stammers and asks Fish whether a woman named Helena came in to see him today. Fish is all, "Yeah. Her." Nope. Not her. This is Helen. Ruh roh!