Episode Report Card Pamie: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT TarzanLovesJane.com
By Pamie | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 11.01.2003
"Later." Sam teases Jane for missing Tarzan. Sam says that this is what Jane wanted: "You told him, 'Stay away, stay away, stay away.'" Can we get that in writing and sent over to Xena, please? Sam likes to repeat himself a lot this episode. Jane says, "Look, Sam..." And then proceeds to explain that everything about Tarzan was full of danger and excitement and now she's missing the adrenaline rush. Maybe you could drop a few more fiancés off of a roof, if you're really missing the hot action. Sam grabs Jane's arm so that they don't miss their mark and stops her from screwing up the shot. He tells her to go bungee-jumping, if she wants excitement. He makes her promise to stay away from "John Clayton." But he didn't say she had to stay away from...Tarzan. Jane's cell phone rings, and as she digs out her phone, she grumbles, "Who is this?" It's time for the first half installment of your Minute with Mitch Pileggi™! Jane asks him how he got her cell-phone number. "I need to see you," says Clayton. "No," Jane says. "I'm busy." It's very frustrating to watch our first half of the MWMP, because we're having to see a reflection of Clayton in a glass library case. He tells Jane that he's spoken with Donald Ingram, the witness to Michael's death. Clayton makes sure to use everybody's full names when recapping what Ingram saw, ever hopeful that this show is gaining in audience. If that's the case, they may want to explain why the word "Tarzan" is never used in this show. "When can you come by?" he asks Jane, who blinks her way to the opening credits.
When can Jane come by? Faster than she can break a promise! Greystoke Industries. Clayton tells Jane that Ingram's account is a good sign for Tarzan. He says the fact that Tarzan tried to save "Michael Foster" (remember when everyone just called him "Mike"?), it means he's got more human instincts (or "humanity") than they figured: "It means maybe we can civilize him." Clayton asks why she won't bring Ingram forward. "I'm trying to protect John," Jane says. "From other cops. Prison. You." Burn, Jane. Burn. Clayton smiles and says that Jane could lose her shield over that. Jane says, "Look. If this is some kind of blackmail attempt? You can forget it." Today's secret word is "Look." I'll italicize them from now on so that you can keep count. Clayton says he doesn't want to blackmail her: "I'm impressed with you." Jane's busy doing soap-opera blocking: her back is turned away as Clayton talks so that she can do a haughty spin toward Clayton to ask indignantly, "What?" Clayton stands: "You did what needed to be done. John shouldn't be mixed up in a cop's death. It's an unpredictable situation. There's too many wild cards." Again, I ask: What? Who's a wild card? What unpredictable situation? Are they still talking about Tarzan? Am I still watching Tarzan? Clayton gets a flirty smile and says, "You know, you and me, we're starting to think the same way." Jane clenches her jaw, frowns, and says, "No, we're not." I wish they'd put Mitch Pileggi back in his relaxed khakis and black knit tops. He looked awesome. "Why can't we work together?" Clayton whispers. "John trusts you." He tells Jane to convince Tarzan to come back to his cage to work on his people skills. Jane shakes her head. "No," she says. Clayton interrupts: "All right. I admit. Mistakes were made." Hit it, closed-captioning: "[chuckles]." Clayton's got some Manson Lamps going as he stares Jane down and continues: "But I love John." Ho. Yay! "I just want to help him be the man that he's meant to be." Me too. It starts by having him take off his shirt. He's meant to be the naked man on The WB! Jane, for clarification, asks what that is. "A Clayton," responds Clayton, jaw clenched. Well, if you insist. Take off your shirt, Mitch Pileggi! Blink. Blink, blink. Blink. Clayton pulls Tarzan's necklace out of a box, and says, "He was wearing this when I found him." Have they forgotten we know all about the necklace, including the picture in the locket? I guess so, because Jane looks at it like she doesn't know what it is. "It was his mother's," Clayton says. "I think it's all he had to remind him of where he came from." Remember when Jane gave it to you IN THE PILOT? It's not like we're on the fifth episode, here. Anyway, Jane, awesome detective that she is, just takes the necklace and apparently hands it to Tarzan, not wondering why Clayton would ask her to deliver something for Tarzan to keep on his person. Blink, blink. Jane leaves. Blink.