Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B | 5 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Seriously, "Weevil" Who?
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.07.2005
Veronica's sitting with a girl we'll learn is Yolanda's friend Gabrielle. Short version? Gabrielle: "I'm lying, and babbling, and babbling, and wow, am I lying." Veronica's face: "Yes, you certainly are, and you're really, really bad at it, but you're really pretty, too, and I will own those hoop earrings you're wearing." Veronica asks Gabrielle if she wouldn't like to try again, and Gabrielle comes clean, saying that she and Yolanda were sneaking out to a club in L.A. called Blender, and they could get in because the bouncer was a friend of Yolanda's dad's. Gabrielle adds that she's been seeing an older guy, and if her parents knew, they'd disown her. Veronica asks when they left, and Gabrielle tells her that she and her jailbait chaser took off around midnight, but Yolanda was still there, and she had her car. Veronica sincerely says she hopes Yolanda is okay, and Gabrielle bites her head off: "You think I don't? She's my friend! Who are you?" Geez, Gabrielle, she's the town pump. She'd have it embroidered on her underwear, were she wearing any. Seriously, I don't get Gabrielle's reaction there -- Veronica's trying to help, and it just seems like a clunky way to reinforce Veronica's isolation and to carry us into the next flashback, neither of which are necessary. Anyway. Veronica calls her dad and asks him to check something, but before we find out what it is, VMVO cuts in to tell us she was Yolanda's first friend at Neptune. Don't interrupt yourself, Veronica. We flash back to Duncan, Lilly, Logan, Veronica, Yolanda, and Ugly Owen Wilson eating lunch. Ugly Owen Wilson asks what Yolanda's dad does. Yolanda: "He's one of the Dixie Chicks. And yeah, he makes more money than your dad. Was that your real question?" Hee. Yolanda's sassiness gets appreciative laughs from the table. Logan announces a big blowout at his place that weekend, as his parents are going to Nepal. That's a surprising vacation spot for the Echolls parents. You'd think a seasoned philanderer like Haaron would know that you don't screw the sherpas -- it's a good way to end up stranded at the top of a mountain. Lilly and Veronica tell Yolanda she has to come to the party.
Chez Echolls. Haaron sits despondently in a bathrobe as Logan comes in with some dry cleaning and notes that dying will get you a lot of flowers. Haaron really looks to be taking this hard, which will happen when the last words you said to your wife were about leaving her with nothing. Should they meet in the afterlife, he'll totally be owed a kick in the balls for that one. Haaron takes Logan's hand and tells some story about how they fooled Lynn into wearing a mermaid costume around the zoo when Logan was ten. Well, having seen what Haaron does with his belt collection, I suppose it's not a surprise that that memory is in Haaron's "fond" column. The fact that a memory he classifies as "fond" is actually creepy and disturbing isn't really a surprise, either. Logan pulls his hand away and says he remembers that day, because on the way home he spilled a milkshake in the car and Haaron gave him a nosebleed. Haaron counters that Logan did it on purpose because he and Lynn wouldn't buy him a monkey, and when he went to grab Logan, Logan smacked his head against the window. As is usual with these contrary depictions, the truth probably lies somewhere in between. Less usually, the truth isn't too happy about it. Haaron changes the subject and asks if Logan's heard from his sister. Logan says she sent a telegram. "Heartbroken. Stop. Can't make it back from Sydney. Stop. Underwater scene shoot tomorrow. Stop. Entire crew said prayer for Mom. Stop. Love you. Stop." Well, Alyson, you don't get to say "Stop" to me. Because I certainly said it enough during the last two seasons of Buffy, but did you listen? Nooooo. I should note that the editing decisions here are kind of crappy -- there are too many cuts to Haaron, and considering that he looks like he's taken over for Lynn in the self-medicating department, they would have done better to focus on Logan. Logan snarks on show biz people, and mentions that his sister did send a wreath. Haaron wistfully talks about how much Lynn liked tulips. Yeah. Big ones, if you follow me. Also, let's just say Haaron's delivery while talking about the flowers is simply begging for me to call him Algernon. The doorbell rings, and Logan leaves Haaron to repent for his sins. That could take a while.