Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT And she said, "Kiefer, it's 3 AM and I'm feelin' lonely."
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 11.26.2001
Back at the multi-million dollar Williamsburg, Brooklyn gallery space…I mean, the "seedy warehouse"…back-up has arrived in the form of police helicopters. Yeah, right. Trouble in a bad L.A. neighborhood? Let's call in a S.W.A.T. team. I'm sure it happens all the time. Kiefer and OMG split up to cut FfK off at the exit. Kiefer warns OMG not to shoot FfK, because he needs him alive. "And don't hit me either." They do the law enforcement shimmy separately through the corridors, and OMG bumps into El Janitor, who is all, "Por favor!" While she yells at him for not staying put, FfK comes up behind her and puts a gun to her neck. The time is 03:46:41.
The time is 3:52:26. Klockwise from the top left, OMG is still being held by FfK, Kiefer is still in hot pursuit of FfK, Jalapeno Spice is on her way to the Koffee Konfrontation room, and BoK is doing what BoK does best: absolutely nothing. Kiefer prowls the corrugated metal hallways and hears the helicopters approaching. "You want me?" yells FfK. "Come and get me!" OMG protests for Kiefer to stay put. Kiefer advances and demands that FfK drop his gun. FfK is all, "No, you drop the gun!" They continue back and forth like that until Kiefer tells OMG in Spanish to move when he drops his gun. "Speak English, asshole!" says FfK. I didn't know we could say "asshole" on network television now. Kool. Kiefer drops his gun, and Officer Macy Gray breaks free. A gun goes off. Kiefer lunges for FfK. OMG moans. Kiefer bashes FfK against the corrugated metal walls and yells for OMG to throw him her cuffs. OMG doesn't answer…'cause she's dead. Aw! I wanted her and Kiefer to hook up.
Mr. York and BoK pass the speeding ambulance that presumably carted PMMS off to a city hospital, where she will be ignored in triage for the next seventeen episodes…I mean, "hours." They stop to ask the homeless woman who ignored Princess Roadkill earlier what just happened. "It could involve our children," says BoK. The crusty homeless woman -- who incidentally is sporting Meatloaf's haircut -- is all, "You shouldn't let your children come down here," and explains in a Boston accent that a girl was hit by a "caah" and was rushed to St. Mark's Hospital. "Is she alive?" asks BoK. "She didn't look good!" says Ms. Meatloaf. York makes a U-turn and heads for St. Mark's.
The Purple Van stops in front of a parking garage adorned with scary graffiti art. Evil Frat Boy #2 wisely opens the back of the van so that everyone who happens to be walking by can see that he's got a girl sitting inside with duct tape over her mouth. Gaines pulls up in a Lexus. He walks past EFB#2 with barely a nod and approaches GaggedSpawn. "Where's the other one?" he asks. EFB#2 lies and says that they killed PMMS and hid the body. Gaines stares down Rick for confirmation. "You're with me now," says Gaines to GaggedSpawn. "If you're good, you'll be back at the mall in a day or two. If you're bad, you won't." How the hell does he control where she shops? Who does he think he is -- a security guard at the Encino Galleria? Spawn signals her compliance with a duct-tape-muffled grunt.