Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Wanna Fanta?
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 12.08.2003
CTU Interrogation Room. Hey, what ever happened to those Season One and Two interrogation rooms at CTU with the nifty wall hangings and the Emeco Navel chairs? I miss those days. Back when the plots made sense and the furniture didn't. Gael sits alone inside the room while Bitchelle and Chappelle observe him from behind a one-way mirror. "I still can't believe Gael could be a traitor," says Bitchelle. "Has he said anything?" Chappelle replies that they haven't started questioning him yet. "We're sweating him first," he says. Bitchelle tells Chappelle -- for like the ninety-seventh time this episode -- that she's going to the hospital to visit Soul Patch. "I need you here," says Chappelle, who actually has a point since not only have they uncovered a mole, they're also going to need someone to replace Gael. "But you're handling that," says Bitchelle. "And anything that spills over, you can give to Potato Face." "Potato Face is a pain in the ass," says Chappelle. Hee! Bitchelle assures him that Potato Face is capable, and convinces him to let her go see her husband. She exits, and Chappelle enters the interrogation room with an unassuming dumpy-looking white guy. As he asks Gael if he was working alone or with someone else, "Johnson" opens a sinister looking box filled with syringes. "You know Johnson," says Chappelle. "You know what Johnson does. And you know that sooner or later you're going to tell me what you know!" Hey, wait -- I don't know what Johnson does. Okay, maybe I do. But I really really want Chappelle to tell me anyway…in extensive detail. Does that make me a whore? Oh wait, there's more. "The only question," continues Chappelle, "is how hard you want to make this on yourself." I'm not making this up, people. I'm just transcribing the dialogue.
Air Salazar. Wanna Fanta? Doncha wanna? Wanna Fanta? Hartmano dances with one of the Fanta girls. Another Fanta girl cuts in. Hartmano turns his back on Fanta Girl #1 and unzips Fanta Girl #2. Girls? It's called higher education. Look through a college catalog. There are lots of professions that young women can enter into these days. You don't have to loll about on a plane with a bisexual Mexican drug dealer and feign interest in him. Sure, the money's good, but once you hit twenty-six and you've been drinking champagne every night, this kind of work is going to dry up and, with no job skills, life can be a bitch. Just saying. Meanwhile, there's a new Latin pop song playing, and the lyrics seriously sound like someone is singing "mari-mari-juana!" over and over again. Hmmm. Why do I like this song? Nevertheless, the possibility of a threesome just isn't keeping Hartmano's attention. His focus drifts back to the cabin where Kiefer is being held. "What is it, Felipe?" asks one of the henchmen, whose job it is, I guess, to keep Hartmano from having sex with men. "Don't you like the girls?" "Tell me again why Hector wants Kiefer alive?" asks Hartmano, who clearly wants to plunge a long turgid knife into Kiefer's willing flesh, draw it back out, and then plunge it in over and over again from dusk to dawn. The henchman replies that he doesn't know the reason, but that those were his orders. "Every time Kiefer takes a breath, it's an insult to me," says Hartmano. He takes the henchman's gun from his holster and heads into Kiefer's cabin. "Felipe, no!" exclaims the henchman. "Are you giving me an order?" asks Hartmano. The henchman explains that he works for both Hector and Hartmano, and he has his specific orders. "Why don't you honor the one wish of your brother who arranged your escape today?" asks the henchman. "In less than an hour, I'm sure you will get your revenge on Kiefer." "We'll see," says Hartmano, sighing and handing back the gun. "Now, pour me another drink." Bitch!