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By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.05.2000
At Fish & Cage, Richard asks Mark how things are going with Cindy. Mark wonders if Richard wants Cindy for himself. Richard chokes on his beverage at the thought of this. What -- no spit take? Well, that's not very sporting. Richard says something about Cupid and arrows, and that "Cindy has an arrow." Mark asks what Richard's talking about. Ally passes by and Richard runs off to talk to her.
In Ally's office, she tells Richard that he shouldn't say anything to Mark. In her extremely tight white t-shirt that shows her tight bra as well as her nipples, Ally tells Richard that men can be surprisingly accepting when it comes to women they love. Richard says the word penis. I really should count the times it's said each episode, but then I'd have to do three things at once. I can't type the recap, throw up, and run a calculator all at the same time. John walks in, and Richard of course tells him about All About Cindy. The word penis is said again, and John's nose whistles.
Ally walks down the sidewalk and voice-overs that all men are homophobes. "The bigots consider gayness a disease; the more enlightened ones don't. Only because they're afraid of catching it." That's really what she said. I know -- I didn't understand it, either. All I know is that it must take a homophobe to know one, because Ally showed us what a homophobe she was last season when she dated the bisexual judge. Why hasn't she been imagining Cindy in bed with a man and then screaming and freaking out like she did with Judge Hammond? Oh, I know. It must be because she and David E. Kelley read Entertainment Weekly's Gay Hollywood issue and they don't want to seem square. They want to seem ahead of the trends by embracing transsexuality, maybe. Good move. Bulimia as a fad is getting stale. Ally runs into the beautiful young thing from the restaurant, who introduces himself as Jonathan. Ally stutters, giggles hysterically, and pulls her lower lip down. Instead of rolling his eyes and walking away, Jonathan asks her to dinner. She voice-overs that she doesn't juggle men and then accepts his offer.
At her lunch with Michael, Ally opens her mouth wide and swabs it with her napkin over and over again. Her voice-over informs us that she uses her napkin when she's thinking of sex -- "maybe because it's messy." Can someone please kick her in the head? She's thinking of sex with Jonathan, though, not with the man sitting across from her. She can still smell Jonathan. She laughs every few seconds so that Michael will think she's paying attention to him. She laughs and says, "That's cute," after he says something about his wife's death. Oh, Ally's so endearing. No wonder all the hardbodies love her.