Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Five More Reasons To Hate The Dolt
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.20.2002
Manor bathroom, the following morning. Raige applies lipstick while Phoebe borrows her blush and this episode's director assaults the audience with a barrage of "uniquely angled" shots of the action. Piper pops in, bitching about a broken hair clip. The three engage in sisterly banter of the sort I'm to find "playful" and "endearing," as it's meant to indicate how at ease they are with each other. Unfortunately, the conversation revolves around the hot and heavy rounds of Hide The Salami Piper and Phoebe played with their respective spousal units the night before, so the banter ends up striking me as "appalling" and "depraved." For what it's worth, Phoebe and Piper opine that marital intercourse is "better" and "more intimate" than the sort of fun Raige has had with her various slampieces in the past. Raige rolls her eyes at this, but chooses not to dispute their claims at this time. I should dispute their claims for her, but as marriage has been placed off-limits for me and my kind, I can't really speak to the issue. I can, however, ask a question: If marriage really does improve existing relationships to the extent these ladies claim, why did Alyssa Milano divorce Cinjun Tate's bald ass less than a year after a minister placed a marriage license in her hot little hands? Oh, and look at that. I just confused an actress with the role she was playing.
"Actress." Sometimes I just crack myself up.
Phoebe invites Raige along on a lingerie-shopping expedition, but Raige begs off. She has to go "to that evil place where they keep [her] paycheck." A car horn honks repeatedly outside the Manor. One by one, the gals flee the bathroom. The last to leave is Phoebe, who first fluffs her hair in front of the mirror. I just noticed that Phoebe's current hairstyle is the same one Julia Roberts had in The Mexican, only Julia wasn't sporting the Phoebangs. And you know what? Even without the Phoebangs, Julia Roberts looked like ass. Makes you think.
Phoebe emerges first from the Manor, followed closely by Piper, Raige, and the Dolt. They find The Sole standing proudly over a new silver Porsche. "A new car!" calls the Dolt, apparently auditioning for a slot on The Price Is Right should Ron Roddy ever follow Johnny Olsen to the grave. This, then, is The Sole's second surprise. Seems he took a job at a law firm downtown, and the Porsche is his "company car." Raige finds this difficult to believe, as The Sole "didn't last two hours at legal aid." Piper recalls The Sole's assertion that he hated being a lawyer. The Sole shrugs this all off, noting that legal aid was a lot of work for very little money. This new job, however, is quite the opposite. He presents Phoebe with a bouquet of long-stemmed red roses. Phoebe remains grimly silent for some reason. I believe we're meant to interpret this as Phoebe's way of indicating that she has doubts about the provenance of The Sole's new employment -- that perhaps to her mind something demonic is afoot. However, given her earlier incessant bitching about the inequity of gender roles in "traditional" marriages, she's coming across as sullenly jealous and spiteful. The Dolt, exhibiting heretofore-unknown genital issues, only has eyes for the Porsche. The Sole grabs a box of Phoebe's "favorite" chocolates out of the car, and reveals that he's made reservations for them at the Mark that evening. Phoebe melts at this and giggles that she and Piper have some shopping to do. Piper pleads P3 duty, but the Dolt assures her that he can cover for her. The Sole leans in to Phoebe and waves The Threatening Box Of Confectionery Portent under her nose. There's a brief pause before Phoebe simply pecks him on the mouth, perks, "I love you!" and jiggles off down the sidewalk to join Piper in the Jeep. The Confectionery Portent remains in its box, unmolested.
"So, what law firm you working for?" Raige wonders, and it's about damn time someone asked that question. Those would have been the first words out my mouth, at any rate, and I would normally expect Piper to blurt them out as well. Unfortunately, judging from her actions later in this episode, it appears that Piper banged the brain right out of her skull against her headboard last night, so it's up to Raige to suss these things out for everyone. The Sole gently tests Raige's knowledge of San Francisco law firms, and, upon learning that she deals with a number of them daily, he ventures an answer. "Wolfram and Hart." Kidding. It's a place called "Jackman, Carter, and Klein." Or, as the captioning would have us believe, "Jack, McCarter, and Kline," but we all know how fast and frisky the captioning can be with the facts. In any event, Raige stores this morsel of information away in her head, congratulates The Sole on his good fortune, and wanders off to her Volkswagen. The Sole sighs, tosses the unmolested Portent onto the passenger seat of the Porsche, and dangles the car keys in front of the Dolt's face. The Dolt, giddy as a schoolgirl, grabs the keys from The Sole's hand and darts behind the wheel, leaving The Sole to pace alone on the sidewalk in front of the Manor.