Episode Report Card Gwen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Will Survive
By Gwen | Season 3 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.16.2000
The prosecutor closes, saying that law and order means that you don't use violence to quell pangs of jealousy. Mark closes his eyes and meditates on theme song. Ally has to snap him out of it when it's time for him to close. He gets up and Ling whispers that his bulb is a little dim. Ally smiles and we know that she'll end up trying to get it on with Mark before the season's over. "Law and order," The Closer begins, "is a television show, albeit a good one." He says stuff about people thinking their love is immortal. Ally hears this in major reverb, because of course anything that anyone ever says is about her. Mark talks about Nora's center (or was it her world?) imploding when she finds out her love wasn't real. Mark goes on and on about love and loss, strumming Ally's life and actually causing Nora to sniffle.
The Wicked Witch theme plays as Ling struts down the courthouse hall and into the room already containing Mark, Nora, and Ally. They're eating lunch. Ling informs them that the prosecutor just offered manslaughter. Nora asks Mark if they should take the plea bargain, but Mark says manslaughter's the worst offer. Ling says she'll turn the offer down so they can go for it. Nora agrees, but says she needs to go for a walk to calm her nerves. Ling follows her out. Ally turns from the window (she's not eating -- surprise!) and asks Mark what he knows about Billy and her. I hope Mark says, "Nothing, and I'd like to keep it that way, so shut your cake hole, please." For some reason, though, he doesn't. He goes, "You used to date him. Why?" Ally tells him that his closing had an impact on her. As much as she mourns his loss, she realizes that she feels empty because they'd broken up and she doesn't feel entitled to cling to his love and blah, blah, blah. Mark asks if their love was real at one point. She says it was. He says she is entitled to cling to it, then, and that she should remember Billy the way she wants and not the way he was right before he died. Ally looks at Mark like, "Ooh, probe my psyche, baby! Don't stop!" Ling comes in and says it's time for the verdict.
Nora's found not guilty by reason of temporary insanity. Woo hoo for her.
At the bar that night, Gloria Gaynor sings "I Will Survive" while idiots dance The Hustle. Nelle asks Richard if he's heard from John. "I think he'll be back soon," says Fish. Ally asks if that's Gloria Gaynor "up there, for real." "You want me to tell you?" says Elaine. Ally says she'd better not. Mark walks up and asks Ally to dance. WHATEVER. I'm so sure. If there really are so many men who love women like Ally, I wish they'd all line up at my door right now so I could kick them in the heads, one by one. Ally says, "Actually, I'm gonna head home." How many times has she said this before? I'm waiting for someone to say, "Time for your nightly sidewalk pout, eh, Ally?" Mark turns to Elaine, saying, "Sylvie?" She purrs, "It's Elaine. I'd love to," and takes his hand. Ally has to interrupt to tell Mark "welcome" and shake his hand. I thought you were leaving, Ally McEgo. Mark leads Elaine to the dance floor, telling her, "Don't hump me." "I'll try not to," she says. I would way rather be humped by Elaine than scraped against by Ally, but maybe I'm just a freak. Ally says goodnight and turns down Ling's offer to walk her home. Richard stands and quietly apologizes for his insensitivity. He asks if she's okay and she says "I'm surviving." Oh, SHUT UP. Then she kisses him -- on the mouth. Hold on, now...step off, skank! Richard, quick, boil some water!