Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hard Candy Mary Christmas
By Gwen | Season 5 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.17.2000
Simon makes a phone call.
It's the next morning. Lucy tries to get the mailman to open a letter she got from a college. She's too nervous to do it herself. They make unfunny small talk. The actor playing the mailman hopes that this scene will catapult him into a recurring role on the show. Ideally, it wouldn't, but this show is horrid, so who knows?
RevCam asks Simon who he's been talking to on the phone all day. Simon won't say. RevCam invokes his parental right. Simon refuses on the grounds that RevCam is only nosy, not concerned. RevCam imagines spanking Robbie as a vent for his frustration with his own ineffective parenting.
Matt goes back to the Swinging Bachelor Pad to find John unpacking groceries. John has already made arrangements for Matt to eat dinner at the CamPound because he has a special night planned with Priscilla. Matt is upset in his petulant, queeny way. No one cares.
RevCam found a shelter for Robbie. It's not one he's ever heard of, but a shelter's a shelter, right? He tells Robbie to pack his bag so they can drive on over. They drive on over and see that the shelter is overcrowded, filthy, and haunted by a sad clarinet. RevCam can't let his new boytoy stay there with all those rough, dirty men. "Let's go home," he says, taking Robbie firmly by the sinewy young bicep.
Annie accuses RevCam of being nice to Robbie in order to gain Mary's forgiveness. RevCam thinks he's acting as a real Christian would. Annie rolls her eyes. "Don't give me any of that namby-pamby Christian bullshit, you sexless excuse for a husband," she thinks, in a way that shows plainly on her face.
Simon calls his mystery friend again. They were each wondering the same thing about each other. We don't get to hear what they were wondering, but we do hear Simon say that their shared wondering is "kind of cosmic." Then Simon asks, "So, are we really gonna do this?" I suspect he's meeting someone he met on the Internet, but it's probably something much more mundane than that.
RevCam starts dinner while Robbie studies. Lucy comes down and reveals her plan to surprise Mike with a visit at his house. Robbie is concerned, and RevCam echoes his concern. Robbie makes gracious comments about RevCam letting him stay at their house. RevCam is turned on by the respect and deference that Robbie shows him.
In the upstairs hall, Annie is annoyed to hear that Ruthie and Simon don't care about Robbie staying with them. Ruthie suggests that she move into Mary's bed so that Robbie can have hers. Then she asks why they're being so nice to Robbie. "Because we're nice to everyone," says bitchy Annie. "Amen," says Ruthie.