Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The One Where Everybody Died, Part Two
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 11.18.2002
The time is 11:28:38 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn is still talking with Asian Female Doctor, Kiefer keeps driving toward Wald's, an ambulance takes Mason back into town, and rescue workers try to get little Darlene out of the well. Inside Mason's ambulance, he gives a Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge cough and takes a phone call from Soul Patch. Soul Patch needs Mason's password; he needs to retrieve the data on his computer, because Darlene was using it to encrypt. Mason tells Soul Patch that his password is "Hendrix." Yeah, I can totally see Mason being one of those guys who graduated from college in '70 and thinks it's so cool that he's a g-man who still likes to par-tay. Mason asks after Darlene. Soul Patch tells him that Darlene isn't doing too well. They hang up. Mason asks an EMT in back with him if he's "contagious." The EMT replies that Mason is not contagious. Techno music plays. It's like Mason is thinking that since he's going to die soon, he may as well do some ecstasy and go back to CTU to get Darlene out from under the rubble.
Meanwhile, the Winston-mobile is still moving along. Kiefer is flooring it, but when he comes to a stop sign, he actually makes a perfect full stop like they tell you to in driving school. Then he puts the pedal to the metal again. Hee! Finally he comes to Wald's house. You can tell it's home to a right-wing militia guy because there's a chain-link fence around the outside. Nothing says "redneck terrorists live here" as emphatically as a chain-link fence. Kiefer approaches the bungalow, which is all boarded up and neglected, and knocks on the door, still holding that bandanna to his faux head wound. Wald doesn't open up. He wants to know where the rest of the Junkyard Gang is. Kiefer explains that they're dead. Not that he admits to killing them or anything. Wald lets him in. He's a balding guy wearing a flannel shirt. Kiefer pulls his gun on Wald once he's inside and takes Wald's (much larger) gun from him. He demands to know who told Wald to bomb CTU. Wald refuses to admit that he was bombing CTU per someone else's orders. Kiefer tells him about the nuclear bomb set to go off, and how the CTU bombing was a secondary strike designed to incapacitate the counter-terrorists. "Who told you to hit CTU today?" asks Kiefer, pushing the gun into Wald's face in a way that's not homoerotic at all. A pit bull comes out of nowhere and pushes Kiefer to the ground. Wald gets up and runs. Kiefer shoots the dog. Uh oh. PETA isn't going to like this. Cosette and TerrorPittBull, all in the same week. Kiefer chases Wald into a shed. When he enters the shed, he discovers that Wald has barricaded himself inside some sort of panic room. There's a closed-circuit camera trained on Kiefer and everything. Kiefer picks up an axe and begins hacking away at the panic room. Wald watches this happen over the closed-circuit monitor.
Back at No!DaddyNo Manor, the phone rings. Crazy Laura picks up. It's Spawn calling from the hospital. Spawn tells her that JonBenet was having seizures. You know that moment in every Lifetime movie when the battered wife lashes out at one of her well-meaning friends due to her desire to hide the abuse? Crazy Laura accuses Spawn of kidnapping her daughter and attacking her husband. Spawn tells Crazy Laura that JonBenet has been seriously injured by DaddyStopTouchingMe's abuse. Crazy Laura claims that all of JonBenet's injuries are accidental. Spawn keeps at her until Crazy Laura finally comes to her senses and decides to back Spawn up, when the police arrive at the St. Virgil's emergency room. What happened to St. Mahk's? They hang up. Crazy Laura is just about to leave for the hospital when it's revealed that DaddyStopTouchingMe is standing behind their bedroom door. My, his head wounds cleared up fast. They stare at each other for several seconds. The time is 11:35:59 AM.