Episode Report Card Gustave: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pardon me!
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.06.2003
The time is 04:08:34. Flight 69 lies in pieces on the ground, in a sparsely wooded area that looks suspiciously like the woods surrounding the TerrorKompound from last season. Kiefer stumbles out of a portion of the plane like he just got off of a crowded subway. He clutches his ribs and lets out a velvet roar as he pulls a huge splinter out of his leg. Thanks for the acting, Kiefer, but since you're not going to limp or anything for more than five minutes, I'm not going to care too hard. He walks around and surveys the damage. "Rick" is semi-unconscious. For some reason, Kiefer feels the need to pull a piece of a plane out from NEXT to Rick and throw it to the side. Rick moans Nina's name and kollapses despite Kiefer's request that he "hang in there." Kiefer walks around some more and find the part of the plane that had Nina in it. Nina is in one piece, but unconscious. She's cuffed to her seat and looks like she's taking a nap. Kiefer takes out a key and uncuffs her. After he lifts the seat and throws it to the side, he clears her airway and gives her mouth-to-mouth. Uh, Kiefer? Not that we don't appreciate all of your efforts to work in some sex-like action where Nina is concerned, but keep in mind that Nina didn't just have a cramp in the swimming pool or choke on a piece of ham. She was in a plane that just crashed to the ground from the sky. Mouth-to-mouth isn't really called for. Plus, according to every Red Cross film I saw in high school, you really shouldn't move a crash victim, because you could totally break something important like her neck. Nina wakes up. Was it good for you too? The time is 04:11:42.
Dodge is the sponsor of tonight's episode. What happened to Ford? Did someone have a lover's quarrel? Oh, and I didn't want to like it, but Adaptation was good. There's a big sale at Pier One Imports, so they're re-running the Kirstie Alley ad from last year. This will be funny later.
04:16:07. Klockwise from top left, Kiefer attends to Nina's gash, Bitchelle sits at a laptop in the konfrontational koffee room looking for Kiefer via satellite, and Mason takes a pill. Then Mason joins Bitchelle in the KK Room, where she shows Mason where Flight 69 went down via satellite. All it takes is a few clicks of a mouse and they've got an instant replay of the missile hitting Flight 69. It's like how you can zoom in on a detail in Photoshop. Somehow they can tell that some sort of ground-to-air missile shot down the plane. Mason tells Bitchelle to get a list of everyone who knew about Flight 69's flight plan. He suspects that whoever shot them down doesn't want them to find the B-O-M-B and will want to finish the job, so he tells Bitchelle to make sure that search and rescue are well armed. He blows his nose. Bitchelle reacts suspiciously to this. It's not like you'd have a runny nose from the dust that's flying around after that explosion, because that all happened hours ago. ["Didn't his nosebleed drip onto her monitor? I thought it was more suspicious of her not to call him on that, but that's just me." -- Sars]
Mason exits and bumps into Soul Patch, who asks Mason expositorially why he just transferred Reza and Papa Crew to an interrogation room together. Mason is all, "Let's put them together and play them off each other." Uh, what? I thought you were supposed to separate people before you interrogated them so that they couldn't confer with each other and get their stories straight. Whatever. The nosy Soul Patch we all used to know and love emerges and asks Mason why he's so gung ho all over again about his job despite his shitty attitude that morning. After a heated exchange of "back off"s and "what's going on"s, Mason confesses to Soul Patch that he was exposed to radiation at the warehouse and has only hours to live. "I don't know what to say, George, I'm sorry!" says Soul Patch. He asks if anyone else knows about this. "Just Jack and you," says Mason. Just Jack? Interesting choice of words. Soul Patch asks if there's anything he can do. "Just do your job and let me do mine," says Mason. I think I'd save a lot of recapping time by creating a macro on my computer that automatically spits out a sentence like, "[Blank] brushes off [Blank]'s concern and demands that they get back to work."