Episode Report Card Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Zhaan Goes To Seed
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 7 | Aired on 06.15.2000
On the ship, Aeryn noshes on a handful of fungus, and Crichton complains about his sinuses. When he attempts to hand-feed Zhaan a green marshmallow, she groans, "Can't. Gone too far. Need meat." I was going to make a Venus' flytrap joke but then my mind jumped to Vagina dentata and I scared myself into a corner thinking about Zhaan having hidden set of teeth down there. If she even has a "down there," because as we learned from Kirk's Rura Penthe knee-capping, not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place. Crichton starts to say, "No, you don't want meat -- meat's bad for you, it's got cholesterol and hormones --" but he's interrupted when Zhaan summons up enough super strength in her xylem to do something painful and crunching to Crichton's arm. Zhaan hisses, "Animal proteins. Stop the budding cycle. Buds evolved. For protection. Famine immobilizes us. Predator attacks. Buds poisoned animal. When animal dies, we eat animal to recover." Aeryn looks fairly scared as Crichton gags, "I'll get you some meat." "Now," Zhaan says, her eyes glowing dark orange.
Back on the budong, Rygel gasps that Grangerford Shepherdson cheated. Grangerford Shepherdson laughs that it's part of the game and Rygel's just lousy at cheating. Bet that's the first time Rygel's ever heard that. Sure enough, Rygel gets affronted and says he's an excellent cheater, but he's just not at his best right now because he's so hungry. Grangerford Shepherdson realizes that Rygel's been lying about having anything of value to bet with and gets stroppy. Rygel gulps and says that killing him won't get him his crystals. Grangerford Shepherdson leans over and says Rygel will get him his crystals. Or else.
In his private chambers, B'Sogg finds Chiana stretched on his couch and notes that she always looked good on his couch. Chiana snakes up B'Sogg's back, wraps all four limbs around him, and whispers in his ear that she missed him. Grinding against his back, Chiana does her best to convince B'Sogg that she wanted him all along and not his brother. Just as she's getting to her point about opening the mine, D'Argo appears in the doorway and barks out that they need the meat now. "You have nothing to trade for it," B'Sogg snaps back. "We'll get you whatever you want, but I want that meat now," D'Argo growls. "There must be something you want," Chiana purrs. B'Sogg finally realizes that Chiana was only dry humping him for free handouts, and he turns to D'Argo and says if he wants meat he has to pay for it. But then he turns back to Chiana who oozes and juices her torso to meet his gaze. "Maybe you do have something to trade..." he decides. D'Argo yells at this, so B'Sogg loudly proclaims that the Chiana he knew didn't allow others to make her decisions. Chiana snips that she still makes all her own decisions. Suddenly lapsing into a French accent -- is he being Creole now? -- B'Sogg orders D'Argo, "Run away -- Looxin!" D'Argo belts him a good one and holds him down, bellowing, "Now give me what I need!" Still conscious, B'Sogg smugs that he hid the meat in the mine and no one knows the mine the way he does. If he dies, so does the location of the meat. "D'Argo, if he wants one night with me..." Chiana offers, "I'll give it to him." B'Sogg corrects her. He plays for keeps: a life for a life. One side of meat for another.