Episode Report Card Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Zhaan Goes To Seed
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 7 | Aired on 06.15.2000
In another cavern, people flock around a body being pulled out of the mine on a mine cart. It's Temmon. "This is who's going to help us?" Rygel sniffs, annoyed at the inconvenience. Temmon's only mostly dead, though, and his eyelids flutter when Chiana mewls his name repeatedly. Temmon moans at Chiana not to let him suffer like this and says, "Get B'Sogg." Chiana looks around, grabs a pick-axe from someone and plunges it into Temmon's gut, killing him. D'Argo yanks the sobbing Chiana away and demands to know what she's doing. Chiana kicks D'Argo away from her and shrieks, "If that stuff touches you, you're dead anyway!" I kinda wanted someone to yank the pick-axe out of Temmon's gut, lick it, and mutter, "Nuthin'!" on this Budong of Misfit Toys. Some guy wearing a card dealer's visor, a very blinged-out black quilted vest, and a white Peter Pan collar puts on this Old South accent and singsongs, "Smack! Smack into a puuuuss-TULE! Keedva must've been after him." Okay, why does a rotting corpse miner look like he should be playing poker on some riverboat while we all get "Ol' Man River" stuck in our heads? Waving the fumes off the dead body up to his nose and smelling them as one might do a particularly savory stew, Grangerford Shepherdson next explains to Crichton that a keedva is "a vicious beast that feeds off the budong; chews up anything that gets in the way." I can't do justice to this guy's weird Aussie-cum-Jezebel accent
A twin to the all-the-way dead Temmon walks up, telling Chiana she did what needed to be done, noting that no one else in the mine had the guts to put his brother out of his misery. This twin, by the way, is the same guy who was skulking in the cave shadows when the keedva alarm went off. The twin tells everyone to go home because he's closing the mines until the keedva is tracked and killed. He's also adopting a Blanche DuBois accent, which is just as weird as Grangerford Shepherdson's, but I guess it's to underscore the slavery-like aspect of the mines. That B'Sogg is cruel, greedy, and foreman of the mines makes him a Simon Legree character. B'Sogg drawls that Chiana has some nerve coming back to the budong. Looking him up and down and deciding to transfer her powers of seduction to the one left holding the purse strings and the whip, Chiana purrs that the rapidly cooling Temmon once told her B'Sogg liked her nerve. Scraping his eyes down her body, B'Sogg says that wasn't all he liked. Chiana steps closer and explains why they're there. She thought he could help them out. B'Sogg licks his lips and moves in for a kiss. D'Argo hisses. B'Sogg looks up and tells them to remove their weapons. D'Argo refuses because handing over his Qualta blade is just like castrating him. "Then stay hungry," B'Sogg invites. With the presiding cooler head, Crichton hands over his gun. After a pause and a snortling glare, D'Argo slowly does the same with his blade. Before walking away, B'Sogg says he'll get food for her friends but not for Chiana because she's used up her charity. Chiana is stunned and close to tears but not because of B'Sogg, because of Temmon. She orders her shipmates to get food for Zhaan. Crichton and Rygel leave. D'Argo stays and watches Chiana have a grateful reunion with an old mining friend, Altana, who promises to feed her.