Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: A- | 2 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Might As Well Jump
By Cindy McLennan | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.30.2012
Enchanted Forest. Mulan suggests setting up camp for the night and says the Chintz Monster only appears after dark, and explains that's why it took off so quickly from the castle -- because light is its adversary. Um? I don't have a problem with that -- or wouldn't, if it hadn't hovered over Phillip for a good long while. I'd like to just erase this knockoff Dementor from my memory, please. Aurora questions the decision to camp, but Mulan argues that it's looking for a living mark, so their best bet is to lie still 'til night passes.
After they make camp, Phillip suggests sleep to his Sleeping Beauty. She knows something is wrong, but he's still dissembling. He lies that he's going to find firewood, promises to be back in five minutes, then kisses her lips off. Aurora giggles that he's showing so much passion prior to a mere five minute separation. He claims he's making up for lost time, and tells her he loves her. Aurora returns the sentiment. Walking away with his back turned to his princess, Phillip lets a single manly tear escape as he walks off toward his fate worse than death, but don't worry Charming, although it's effective, you're still the new prettiest crier in my heart. Sorry, Jack.
Storybrooke. Rumpy is preparing tea at his shop, when Emma and her parents arrive. Emma wants to know what he did. Rumpy tries to stall, but Charming and Snow press their daughter's case, reminding him that he double-crossed Emma, took away the potion she liberated from Dragon-Maleficent's scaly bosom, and brought whatever sort of mojo to town. Emma adds, "Worst of all, you risked Henry's life." When Rumpy pooh-poohs their grievances, Emma says, "Maybe I don't need answers. Maybe I just need to punch you in the face." My mind harkens back to the pilot, when our then bail bondsperson smashed her prey's face against his steering wheel. That's all it took to win me over. Rumpy laughs and suggests that since Henry survived, the curse is broken and Emma has been reunited with her parents, he deserves a thank you rather than a punch in the face. Emma snarks about him twisting her words and demands to know about the purple haze. With his patented finger twirl, Rumpy answers, "Magic!" Snow wants to know why, but Rumpy's not talking. Dark Forces have his back.
The earth shakes. There's a rumble. Outside alarms sound. Everyone rushes to look out the window. Although they don't see it, it's clear to us that the wraith is in town, and it seems in addition to sucking out its preys' souls, its hobbies include blowing paper through town and making streetlights explode. Yes, I just plagiarized my own darned recaplet, but not everyone reads both -- like apparently my own MOTHER. Ahem. Rumpy tells Emma, "That is my gift to you. That is going to take care of Regina." As lights continue to explode and as paper drifts down the middle of the street, threatening the Storybrookers with annoying albeit harmless papers cuts, Snow puts on her Mommy Pants. "Emma, come on." Charming adds, "We need to go take care of this." Emma hisses at Rumpy that they're not done. Rumpy: "Oh, I know. You still owe me a favor." Emma's cynical smile warms the cockles of my jaded heart.