Episode Report Card Sobell: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Happiness is a warm gun
By Sobell | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 12.01.2008
Meanwhile, over at One World Conspiracy HQ, General Von Baldy's decided to get his drink on. And why not? Who among us would be temperate after a day in which our much younger mistress yanked us around, our daughter got kidnapped and our elaborate plans all came tumbling down like so many Jenga pieces? No matter how much top-shelf whiskey the general knocks back, he can't stop the flashbacks to Michael and Lincoln's smugger moments, so General Von Baldy ends up distracting himself with a little light barware-smashing. His nearby stooge helpfully waits until the general is finished before reminding him that there's a One World Conspiracy board meeting downstairs.
We then zoom on down to the meeting in progress, where General Von Baldy is putting one heck of a spin on recent events: "Today marks a critical juncture in our endeavors ..." Cardholder #5, AKA Scuderi, AKA the guy who goes trolling for his wife's sex toys in Las Vegas, is not having any corporate doublespeak: "Do we have a bead on Scylla yet?" General Von Baldy continues to rally the troops with, "Our security, our future stands at a great precipice." Scuderi again interrupts, "It's a yes or no question, Jonathan. We don't need a soliloquy." General Von Baldy tries to shunt Howard off to his office before any of the other board members/card holders can begin fomenting rebellion, but Howard's intent on holding General Von Baldy accountable: "I'm in here, making sure this operation isn't fumbled as well." Von Baldy spits, "Out. Now." Howard persists, "What's your plan, Jonathan? That's what we're all here for, right? You tried to move Scylla over our better judgment and it backfired, so ... spill it." General Von Baldy's plan is to shoot Howard where he stands. He then retrieves Howard's card and asks, "Any further questions?" HA! I love it. We cut to Lisa looking freaked out that her dad's a little trigger-happy. To which I have to ask: Seriously? It never occurred to her before that her dad didn't get to be the grand high warlock of the One World Conspiracy by being Mister Nice Guy? Anyway, everyone's now super-motivated to retrieve Scylla today.
Then we cut to Michael having a private moment in the bathroom. He's examining a tiny computer chip and looking broody. Perhaps he wishes it was a chocolate chip; few things mitigate stress so effectively as comfort eating. (And it looks like Michael's already figured that out.) Michael then steps into a toilet stall -- it's lit up with a green bulb for that special David-Fincher-presents-interiors-of-the-serial-killers touch -- and lifts up a ceiling tile, perhaps to hide the chip. Then he has a little tumor-induced fit, and has to sit a spell. Linc eventually finds him and yanks him to his feet. He moistens some paper towels as a cool compress, and in an oddly gentle gesture, runs his hand over Michael's skull before decreeing, "Sara's right. We need to get you to a hospital." Michael says in frustration, "We were so close to the finish line, Linc." Linc says soothingly, "I know. Listen, I spoke to LJ yesterday." "Who?" Michael asks. "Who is this 'Ell Jaaay' person and why have you not mentioned him before?" Oh, not really, but he should, shouldn't he? Anyway, Linc bucks Michael up with the same speech he gave LJ: this will all be over soon, because Lincoln says so. Michael is enjoying his pity party -- so festive! -- with a little set of handcuffs in each goody bag, no doubt, and moans that he should have seen this coming. Lincoln's like, "No ..." but I am like, "Absolutely. Having your adventures on the run taught you nothing?" Anyway, Linc gently persuades Michael that they've got to go. And not a moment too soon, as the next shot is of Herb and his Homeland buddies swarming all over Team Scylla HQ. Watching from one dock away, Mahone comments, "Now we know where we stand." You sure do.