Episode Report Card Sobell: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Happiness is a warm gun
By Sobell | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 12.01.2008
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.So the good news is that the U.S. government is as horrified by the whole Don-Self-went-rogue thing as Team Scylla. The bad news is that Don's boss Herb decides that the best way to clean up this whole covert-ops mess is to kill everyone on Team Scylla. Were it not for the fact that Michael and Mahone had anticipated this -- and ensured that only Lincoln and Michael made it to the meeting place where Herb and Senator Dallow BS'd them until the shooting began -- Team Scylla would have ended up dead. As it was, Michael and Lincoln are saved by a One World Conspiracy stooge who was dispatched to bring them in to General Von Baldy so he could kill the boys. Then Sucre shows up at the warehouse where all this shooting and double crossing has taken place and neutralizes the stooge (exciting!), and then Lincoln kills the stooge as he tries to walk away (disconcerting!), and then Senator Dallow is all, "Look, this never happened, and I'm not really living in fear of losing any votes since, as convicted felons, you didn't have the franchise anyway. So just let me walk out." The boys do, but we've established that they're super-screwed: Not only is there no record of their deal with Don Self, they're back to being wanted by the government, by the One World Conspiracy and by Don Self. At least they all have each other -- except for Mahone, who's disappeared for reasons as yet unknown. (He does, however, imply to Sara and Sucre that he and Michael have a plan. So I hold out hope that he's not a double-crossing weasel.)
As for the One World Conspiracy: Card-holder #5, Scuderi (he of the non-working manparts and raging gambling addiction) mouths off to General Von Baldy in a meeting and is promptly shot and killed for his trouble. For some reason, Lisa is shocked -- shocked! -- that her daddy could gun someone down in cold blood.
Speaking of Don Self: we are given no clue as to why he's suddenly a bad-ass evil guy, but here he is -- badass and evil. How much so? He's using T-Bag to hold Gretchen's sister and daughter hostage, and making Gretchen line up another buyer for Scylla, what with Trisha having killed the previous one. Gretchen does line up the buyer, but Don is dismayed to learn that Michael has a part of Scylla hidden in his pants (well, he doesn't know about that part -- he just knows Michael's got a crucial chip). The episode ends with Don threatening Michael over the phone. Michael is all, "Bring it." Oh, it will be broughten.
See some of the more implausible moments on this show. Come back on Monday for the full recap.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Elisabeth Kubler-Ross posited that bereaved people pass through five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, despair and acceptance. There are five surviving and non-treasonous members of Team Scylla. So how appropriate is it that the episode starts with Sucre playing the part of denial ("He can't do this!") while Lincoln indulges in a little anger ("Self screwed us."). Then LINCOLN SMASH, beating the bejeesus out of the whiteboard where Team Scylla had planned all their previous capers. Once he's got all that out of his system, Michael announces the next step: he'll call Homeland Security and see exactly what they know about Don Self.
We then transition to gruff Homeland Security boss Herb Stanton fielding a call -- but it's from Don Self, who very convincingly fakes his own death with this little monologue: " ... It was Scofield ... and Burrows ... I think I'm shot ... I'm shot ... [mumble, mumble] you were right ... about this whole operation ... no, Burrows! BURROWS! [sound of gunshots]." Herb looks suitably horrified at hearing Don Self's apparent last moments.
We see that Don has been walking toward T-Bag whilst performing his one-man show, and T-Bag shrinks back in his seat, muttering, "No, no, no" as Don leans in through the window. Don pokes in his gun and says, "I need to find Gretchen. You gonna help me, or am I gonna shoot you in the face?" T-Bag will take option #1, please.
Back at Team Scylla HQ, Mahone's pacing around while everyone else listens raptly to Michael navigating the phone tree at Homeland Security. Linc mutters, "We gave this guy something worth a hundred million dollars." Sucre has moved on to the hitherto-undocumented portion of the grieving process known as "elaborate conspiracy theories," postulating that Don Self may not have even been a Fed. Mahone smacks that down with logic and reason, but when have either of those cognitive functions ever made a dent on Sucre? When Michael finally gets connected to Herb, he hangs up, possibly because he shares Dr. Sara's concern that Homeland Security is in on Don Self's set-up job. Mahone hotly points out that "[Don Self[ kept himself too insulated. That's why -- that's why he hesitated with official authorizations on behalf of our mission. He kept saying it was because he didn't want [the One World Conspiracy] to know. In actuality, it's because he didn't want to get caught, that son of a bitch!" Then he calms down a little and reminds everyone that if Homeland Security already knows where Team Scylla HQ is, then sooner or later, they'll be paying a visit. Mahone votes for taking off. Dr. Sara reminds everyone that Michael needs surgery, and Michael rolls his eyes with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Mahone argues, "I'm not talking about running. I'm talking about surviving."