Episode Report Card Sars: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Psychic Friends
By Sars | Season 2 | Episode 17 | Aired on 03.09.1999
Props to WildCard, Lara, Goalie 31, and Wing.
Fade up on a TV, with someone onscreen rowing schmaltzily down a creek as music swells cheesily in the background. The music has scarcely faded out when Dawson "Reality Chex" Leery asks a weeping Joey "Dork Magnet" Potter, "Well?" Joey wipes her face, sits up in her space-dyed sweater, and says she doesn't think she can find the words. Dawson interrupts to remind her that "it's a rough cut and everything," and asks her to tell him what she thinks and "be honest." Joey says in a tone of awe, "In my entire life I have never been so unequivocally moved by words and moving images onscreen. I mean, this is the type of motion picture-going [sic] experience that not only enlightens and inspires but it can change the way that people look at their lives, their world, their universe." Dawson says how much that means, especially coming from Joey, and Joey says that "there's no question about it -- Jack McPhee will be one of the great filmmakers of our generation." Oh, I get it -- it's a dream. Joey natters on about the fact that they "knew him when" as Dawson furrows his brow bemusedly and corrects her: "Joey, I directed this movie." Joey compares McPhee to great directors like Bergman and Fellini as Dawson scrambles off the bed and tries to convince her that he made the movie, and he grabs the tape out of the VCR to show it to her, but it says "Creek Daze: A Film by Jack McPhee" on it. At that moment, Jack "Tin Tin" McPhee climbs in through Dawson's window and comes over to Joey and takes her hands as she tells him that only one word describes him: "Brilliant. No -- genius." A confused Dawson looks back and forth between Joey and Jack as Jack gasps, "Honey, you won't believe what happened. I ran into Steven Spielberg in the cafeteria -- he offered me a job. I'm goin' to Hollywood!" Dawson has a downright offended look on his face by now as Jack and Joey kiss with the lip mics turned up to eleven. Jack gets down on his knees and proposes to Joey, who accepts; they both ignore Dawson, who sputters, "But -- but you're gay!" Jack smiles, "I guess not," and he and Joey kiss again with ten times the fervor they did when they actually dated, and then Jack says to Joey, "Let's go," and on the way out the window he promises to send Dawson a postcard from Tinseltown. Dawson tries to stop Joey, asking, "What about us?" Joey shrugs, "Hey, that's show biz, Dawson." Dawson calls after her, "Joey -- Joey!" and she sticks her head back in the window to tell him, "Get over it, Dawson. You're not my type. You never were." Dawson turns away from the window, flares his nostrils out to the capacity of the Skydome, and yells, "Noooooooo!" and wakes up in bed all disoriented. Memo to the writers: next time, don't make that a dream sequence, 'kay? Addendum: exactly when did you plan to tell us that Dawson had finished the bloody movie in the first place?
Every time I watch the antics of the gang during the credit sequence, said antics make less and less sense. Farces of Nature ad -- um, could the film-making industry please accept the fact that Sandra Bullock has about as much sex appeal as an overcooked vegetable?