Episode Report Card Sars: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Psychic Friends
By Sars | Season 2 | Episode 17 | Aired on 03.09.1999
As they pack up, Colin starts to ask Joey something but then decides against it. Joey presses him, thinking he wants to kiss her or ask her out, and gets right into his proxemic bubble in order to facilitate this, and Colin sort of leans toward her and says, "There's something I wanted to, uh," and Joey breathily says, "Yessss?" and tilts her head for the kiss she expects, and with his mouth all of three inches from Joey's, Colin asks, "Is your friend Jack -- dating anyone?" Gee, I never would have seen that one coming. Well, all except for the "never" part.
Art booth. Jack: "So? What happened?" Joey, bitterly: "Well, he probably would have thrown me on the ground and made passionate love to me if, um." Jack: "If?" Joey: "If he wasn't [sic] gay." Jack: "What?" Joey calls Colin's comparisons of her to Madonna and Marilyn Monroe "red flags," i.e. she should have known -- like, way not only to stereotype gay men but to get the stereotype wrong. Jack doesn't catch it either, saying "What?" again, and Joey repeats, "He's gay. As in three-dollar bill," thus mangling yet another reference, and she tops this insensitivity double-dip by informing Jack that he really needs to "develop some gaydar." Jack sneers in response, "Oh yeah, yeah -- I hear they're giving a training course on that down at the community center." Ffft ffft -- reeeowwwr! Fortunately, this brings Joey up short; she cringes and apologizes, saying, "I'm new at this, and -" but Jack cuts her off: "You? What about me? People look at me like any minute I'm about to start tap-dancing to Bette Midler albums." Heh. Joey then says, "Well, this should cheer you up -- as it turns out, a tall dark stranger is coming into your life." Jack doesn't get it. Joey says that Colin wanted to get together with Jack, so she told Colin that Jack would meet him (Colin) by the fire at eleven. Jack wigs, and Joey tries to calm him down by listing all of Colin's good points: smart, attractive, nice, good actor -- oh, wait, no, his acting sucks. Anyway, Jack yells at her for thinking that, just because "there happens to be a second homosexual in Capeside," Jack has to go out with him. Joey just stares at Jack as he fumes. I don't think Joey thought that at all, since Colin expressed an explicit interest in Jack in the first place, but I can see why Jack would tweak out.
Cut to the Creek Daze schmaltzy rowing finale we saw at the beginning of the show. As soon as the screen fades to white (yes, white), Dawson asks, "So. What'd you think?" He clearly expects a warm bath of effusive compliments. Miss Kennedy waves a hand and struggles for words, settling on a vague and unconvincing, "It's fine." Dawson repeats, "'Fine.'" Miss Kennedy raises her brows and nods. Dawson grins nervously and presses, "Come on, I mean -- your, your opinion is really important to me and I really want to learn, so." Miss Kennedy, no longer smiling, thinks for a moment before saying, "You want my honest opinion." Dawson, obviously still expecting a rave review tempered by only a few minor quibbles, says, "Yeah, don't hold back." Miss Kennedy, skeptical: "Are you sure you want the truth?" Dawson, as all of Miss Kennedy's trying-to-spare-his-feelings verbal cues finally start to sink in, looks down and says, "Yeah." Miss Kennedy says crisply, "Okay, then I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Dawson. I think your film is completely uninspired." Dawson face falls as she continues, "Now, uh, the production value's [sic] flat, your story's non-existent, even your dialogue isn't believable." Dawson, unable to believe that she doesn't see his genius, tries to defend himself: "Okay, it, it needs some work, I mean, I know, I know that." But Miss Kennedy is on a roll: "It lacks emotion of any kind and says nothing to the audience." Dawson quickly changes tacks, and thinks aloud that maybe if he "got the B storyline," but Miss Kennedy cuts him off with, "It won't help. It's a preposterous soap opera about a bunch of teenagers who talk too much. I mean, we've seen it before, all that self-aware, self-referential hyperbole filled with clichés that are disguised as send-ups -- it actually borders on plagiarism." Dawson, desperate for any sympathetic comment by this time, points out that he's only made two films and he's "still learning," but Miss Kennedy hasn't finished with the home truths: "Look, Hollywood's tough. They don't hand out rejection with a box of chocolates. It's real, it's harsh, and it hurts." The bitter delivery of this line leads me to believe that Miss Kennedy got housed the same way she just housed Dawson, and came to Capeside as much to lick her wounds as to write her ballyhooed script. She tells him without much sincerity, "You're sweet, Dawson, and you're just the kind of person that Hollywood eats for breakfast. It would break my heart to see that happen to you." Dawson thanks her and says he appreciates her honesty, and she says softly, "I'm sorry, Dawson." She gets up, leaving a completely crushed Dawson sitting there with his eyes tearing up. Yes, Dawson, Miss Kennedy probably came down on you a little harder than a teacher should. Yes, she probably plans to steal your idea for her own script. But hey -- BUCK UP, LITTLE CAMPER!