Episode Report Card Deborah: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Boiling Point
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.12.2004
AP Chem. Ms. Lischak is emoting her ass off about steam: "And as the liquid heats, the molecules vibrate, furiously pounding into each other until suddenly they can't stand it anymore and what? What? What do they do?" Why do I get the feeling her chemistry textbook comes with a cover illustration of Fabio crushing some delectable damsel in his beefy arms? She whaps her pointer in front of Luke and says, "Lukey G!" Glynis coughs. Luke: "I'm sorry, what?" Lischak tells him to keep up: "Overheated molecules! Wham, bam, slam-dancing! What coils? What bonds? What's erupting, L.G.?" Your hormones, lady? Lischak, Friedman, and Glynis all watch Luke expectantly. He finally says, "I don't know." Lischak makes a sound of annoyance, and there's muttering from the peanut gallery. Grace says quietly, but probably just loud enough for Luke to hear: "The smarter they are, the harder they fall." Friedman says, "Dude. Chemistry for the lobotomized." Lischak whacks her stick in front of Friedman and points to him. He gives the right answer, which ends in "Steam rises." Which sets Lischak off, of course -- she starts marching around the room, chanting, "It's rising! It's, it's, it's rising!" Grace watches indifferently. I would think she'd have something pretty snide to say. Actually, she seems somewhere between "listless" and "catatonic." Bummed about Luke? I think so. Well, in addition to the usual panoply of grievances.
Lischak carries on in the background while Joan reminds Adam, "You know how I signed up to volunteer to watch those kids?" Adam: "Unchallenged." Joan: "Exactly. Totally unchallenged." Grace, to no one in particular, muses, "How will understanding boiling points improve our lives?" Joan apologizes, but says she has to work Thursday night. Grace: "Will it help us boil things faster?" Adam says he bought the tickets because Joan wanted to go. She knows and she appreciates it, but she can't get out of it. Grace: "Will it make us appreciate the virtues of boiled food?" Adam looks hurt (I need a macro for that), shrugs, and says unconvincingly, "It's fine. I'll find someone else." Joan: "I'm so sorry..." (Need a macro for that sentence, too.) Grace: "Or is it just a useless academic exercise in the pursuit of a useless high school degree?" "Degree"? Doesn't she mean "diploma"? Joan squeezes her face up; she's had enough: "Grace! Shut up already, okay?" Lischak whacks her pointer down in front of Joan and asks her to explain what happens to a water molecule after it turns into steam: "First, you have to ri-i-i-i-i-se." Joan gets up. Lischak: "Now, erupt with illuminating data!" Joan makes a little explosive gesture with her hands. Grace smirks to herself.
On the way out, Friedman is goading Luke, of course: "Luke Girardi, choking in chem class? It was like seeing Einstein forget the speed of light." Luke: "Friedman..." Glynis starts babbling and apologizing, saying it was her fault for distracting him by coughing. Oh, God. She's going to make some geek a nice Stepford wife someday. Luke dismisses this, but she keeps going on and on frantically about how she's responsible. Do I need a "Shut it, Glynis" macro, too? She babbles like a madwoman until Luke explodes, "Glynis! You didn't distract me! I didn't hear your stupid cough! So just leave me alone, all right?" Friedman: "Dude." Glynis doesn't quite burst into tears, but she bolts. Grace, Adam, and Joan are behind them, and Grace comments, "Stepping on the bunny, Girardi..." Luke takes off. Friedman: "Dude!" Grace: "Shut up, Friedman." Shout-out? Maybe. I always say, "Shut it." If anyone ever says that, it's definitely a shout-out. Friedman takes off after Luke. You know, as if he might actually be concerned about him. Huh. Hate it when Friedman acts like a human being. Grace asks Joan what's up with Luke. Joan: "I don't know. I think all that brainpower is finally blowing a fuse." Suddenly Helen comes barrelling past in a crazy hurry, and Joan says hi to her. Helen: "Can't talk, honey! Late! Bye!" Grace smiles and says, "Maybe the maternal unit teaching has its advantages." They proceed toward their lockers and run into Iris. Adam says hi to her; she replies (in a tone that I think is supposed to sound more playful than petulant, but fails), "What do you want?" Joan mutters, "What do you think?" Iris says hi to Joan. Joan says hi and adds, "This is Grace. Grace has been his best friend since preschool." She asks Grace breezily, "You've probably seen him in his tighty-whiteys, haven't you?" Grace, surprisingly, goes along with this: "Mm-hmm." Hey, no fair. And what about the Iron Maiden boxers? Iris turns her attention back to Adam: "Walk me to history. À la Splendor in the Grass." Uh, first of all -- back off, Boopsie. Second: If that's her model for romance...she needs help. She takes him by the arm and off they go, up the stairs. Grace: "What is up with Rove and Cousin It?" Joan stares after them, annoyed: "You don't like her?" Grace: "Look, there's a few of us. We talk to one another. I don't want to have to talk to anyone else." Hee! A woman after my own heart. Joan: "What am I supposed to do?" Grace: "Kill it, Girardi!" She hustles off. Joan just stands there, arms crossed, with a very unattractive expression on her face.