Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Water, water, everywhere, and yet it costs a lot
By Miss Alli | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 02.25.2004
There is a Protégé meeting, minus Assorama, in which Amy says that they will need to be going hard tomorrow in order to win. Troy mentions that this is something Heidi will want to keep in mind -- apparently, they've decided that finally, now that every other person has done it, it's time for Heidi to be PM. Amy also says they should dedicate the task to Heidi's mother, which...I mean, it's a lovely thought, but how do you dedicate a sales pitch to someone's mother? "Buy something; my mother is sick." It sounds sweet in theory, but kind of weird in actual practice. Heidi appreciates it, though, or says she does. She reminds us, in case we've forgotten, that her mom is in the hospital. I, for one, did not forget. Assorama, on the other hand, just generally sucks, and is busy settling into bed while everyone else is meeting. Heidi points out that if Assorama's head really hurts, then she feels bad for her, but the head has a way of hurting whenever there's work to be done. As we watch Assorama get into bed, the meeting downstairs is adjourned. Not that these events are related, because Assorama is certainly not necessary.
The next morning, everybody is getting up and brushing teeth when Assorama runs in wearing some kind of pink modified halter muumuu to answer the silver phone. They're told to be out in front of Trump Tower at 8:45. We then get to watch her -- fully dressed now -- eating breakfast. She actually manages to eat smugly, which...I don't even know how you do that, but she does it. "How's your noggin?" Boyfriend Bill asks her. Heeee hee. "Noggin" is always funny. She says noncommittally that the lump is lessening. She interviews that she was "popped on the head with a piece of SEE-ment [sic]," but she's not complaining about it constantly. Right; she's just not working. She claims that she's been "a trouper." The International Association of Troupers issues an immediate public disclaimer. Amy eyes Assorama with burning, rapidly expanding hate, and then interviews that the entire thing has been blown completely out of proportion, and that Assorama thinks it makes her "look like this poor victim," when in fact, everyone else there is laughing at her behind her back. "She is a scheming, conniving bitch." Wow, is Assorama really "scheming"? I don't think of her as smart enough for scheming. But anyway.
Out on the sidewalk in front of Trump Tower, the whole passel of them meets up with Donald and the Viceroys. Yay, George! You're home from your business trip! Did you bring me a snow globe? "Today, I'm going to show you something really cool," Trump says to them. He walks them down toward the corner. As they approach, regal music plays, and a large truck appears with the logo on the side for "Trump Ice" spring water. You should have known when Trump said it was "really cool" that it would have his ginormous face on it. Trump explains that he's going into the water distribution business, and he's producing Trump Ice, "the purest, best-tasting water you can imagine." I'm imagining that the best-tasting water I can imagine will still taste like...water, but maybe I'm failing to get into the spirit. The winning team will be the team that distributes the most Trump Ice over the next two days. You can sell it by the case, by the pallet (that's 72 cases), or you can sell it by the truckload if you can manage it. The winning PM will get to take two teammates on a helicopter tour of Manhattan. Losing team? Yeah. Same as it ever was -- Boardroom for you. Trump wanders off, and the teams adjourn to S4.