Episode Report Card Potes: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT East Side Story
By Potes | Season 1 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.16.2007
When we return, Fabia and her entourage -- including, quite sadly, Marc -- are meeting with Wili and her entourage -- not including, quite sadly, Marc -- about her cosmetics layout. She wants all of her models to look like they're suffering from sickness from radiation, like Chernobyl. Only this time it is her makeup that makes them glow. Wili says it's brilliant, and Marc squints his eyes at her in disapproval. Fabia picks up her little dog to leave, and notes that he made her proud. She then tells Marc to clean it up. He does as everyone files out, and Wili tells him that she wants to explain. But first she takes a big sniff and asks if he's smoking. He is -- Fabia makes him. And she also makes him eat pasta. Quelle horreur! Wili asks what's wrong with his eyes, and Marc says that Fabia doesn't believe in testing her products on animals, but she does believe in testing them on assistants. Oh, he is like a little red-eyed rat. Wearing a turtleneck. And a pompadour. Wili says that's awful, then asks about the insurance. They both are pleased that he gets full dental. But just as things are on the upswing, Fabia yells, "Marco!" Instead of responding, "Polo!" Marc just looks sad. He tells Wili that he hopes June 16th was worth it, and he walks off with downcast eyes.
Wili gets a funny look, and we hear a funny, squeezing, crackling sound accompanied by the smell of burnt toast. Because word has it in Modeville, from those fierce and fey, that Wili's black heart grew three sizes that day! Not so her feet, which would have been a more fitting punishment and most likely been a dealbreaker for Bradford. She wistfully sits on the edge of a table as sax music and the dulcet sounds of -- hey! That's Vanessa Williams singing! -- "The Way We Were" lead us into a "Best of Marc N' Wili" montage. He injects her with Botox. He rubs her feet as she giggles like a schoolgirl being pleasured for the first time. He waves a spring roll in front of her mouth when she has succumbed to temporary blindness. He dresses up like Betty, and she scolds him but secretly likes it. He crashes into a glass cabinet like so many disoriented birds. She punches him. Twice. Hard. And he knocks her down some stairs. Ah, the good times. She exits this reverie with a guilty look, then goes on with her day.
Back at Casa de Suarez, Justin is freaking out. Well, that's a nice change from Hilda freaking out. He has to go on in two hours and he has lost his ability to snap. "What kind of gang member can't snap?" he asks. The ones who use tiny whistles to summon their bitches? She tells him to relax, and that she made him a pizza bagel. Justin asks if Angela Lansbury ate a pizza bagel before she opened in Sweeney Todd. If she did, it was likely topped with pterodactyl sausage and grubs. Hilda gives the bagel, which is suspiciously devoid of any pizza-like toppings, to Santos. Santos, who is all of a sudden awesome, tells Justin that he's going to do great. Justin asks if he'll be there, and Santos says he wouldn't miss it. You know, unless in a dramatic twist he was SHOT or something. Whoo. Calm down, Potes, it's just a show. Santos then tells Justin that spitting on his fingers will help him snap. And it does! There is smiling and snapping and smiling and snapping and more smiling and snapping. And you know as well as I do that nothing good can come of that much smiling and snapping.