Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Stand down
By Alex Richmond | Season 7 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.16.2003
Chandler got pulled over, and is getting a ticket from a man in blue. He's writing Chandler up for speeding, driving -- no, parking -- in a bike lane, perhaps following a car a little too closely, and most importantly, for dating Roxanne. Will Chandler stop seeing Roxanne? No. Chandler loves Roxanne. He gets out of his car (presumably because he's an idiot), and the cop threatens to arrest him. For what? He "hasn't decided yet." Chandler won't be intimidated. Dude? She's not worth it.
Promenade, again, some more. It looks like Ruthie and Jake have persuaded Ben to get a new golden from the pound and slap a red cross on its back in order to fool his boss down at the fire station house. What a cruel joke. Let's see this play out with the new fake rescue dog licking a burn victim in the face instead of helping him to safety. Mmm, burn victims. They taste just like Munchos.
Simon sits down with Cecilia's dad and is about to tell him about Uncle Walter possibly stealing money from the lockbox -- but then Uncle Walter walks in. Dum dum duuumm! It's so anticlimactic. Simon, of course, totally wimps out and says he just wanted to say how much he loves the job and thanks for the second chance. Uncle Walter says heavily, "Everyone deserves a second chance." GET IT?! Simon practically runs out of the room but is stopped by Uncle Walter, who hands him a check. Simon says nastily that he already got his check, but Uncle Walter says that this is for all those overtime shifts he worked. Simon looks dubious, but takes it anyway. When he's gone, Uncle Walter comments on what a "good kid" Simon is. And what "giant eyebrows" he has.
CamPound. Simon sits at his desk and calls Uncle Walter. His "overtime check" was nothing but a cash bribe. Walter calls it a "one-time cash incentive" to keep Simon's mouth shut. And besides, what proof does Simon have? Simon is all, "You know what you're doing and you know that it's wrong!" He threatens to tell Cecilia's dad if Walter doesn't come clean. Walter says he will, hangs up, and wipes his mouth. That bad taste won't come out for a while, Walter. Ask Phyllis Diller -- she drank nothing but martinis for weeks at a time and still had that bad taste in her mouth after she was on the show.
The police station. Roxanne creams her jeans because her freaky dad never actually had any of her boyfriends arrested before. So he must know she really looooves him. Chandler asks for a ride to the impound lot since her dad had his car towed, and she says stupidly, "I love you."