Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Stand down
By Alex Richmond | Season 7 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.16.2003
CamPound. Lucy wants to talk to her dad. He asks about the wedding plans, and she says to ask Mom. Then she laughs a little and says that since she isn't getting anything she wants at her wedding, she's glad at least Eric will be marrying her. So thanks for that, Dad. Then Eric leans in, looks her dead in the eyes, and says he DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY HER AND KEVIN. Lucy is all, "You don't?" Eric just wants to give them away, "like a regular dad." And he adds that if he returns to the church for the wedding, then all the focus will be on him, not on his wizened-faced daughter. How is it that every member of this family thinks they're the center of the universe? Shouldn't at least one of them be filled with loathing for the rest's extreme self-centeredness? This family should start a competitive sport based on their selfishness. And they would all come in first place. Lucy takes the news that her dad is a colossal tool like a champ, and even offers the info that Annie is planning a wedding/Eric's return to the flock. Eric is all, "Someone will have to tell her." Yeah, where can we find someone with a spine? Don't look at me. Sars? You want to do it? ["No." -- Sars] Lucy actually volunteers to tell her mom that Eric is a passive-aggressive jitbag. Eric smiles and dances out of the room, leaving Lucy to roll her eyes so deeply that she bruises her brain. I can't blame her.
And finally, we see Uncle Walter taking money out of the lockbox and putting it right in his wallet. Of course, Simon walks in and sees the act, then stammers that he forgot his coat. Uncle Walter says he was just taking the money to the bank. Suuuure he was. What a boring evil uncle. Can't he drive drunk or OD or something? Simon stammers and looks like he's about to be caught up in a very dull dilemma.
Kevin walks in on Lucy struggling with the voluminous folds of her grandma's wedding dress. He immediately turns his head and barks out, "Sorry!" He's so afraid of his future wife. Can you blame him? Lucy just squinches up her wrinkly face and asks why he's freaking out. Because you've henpecked him into a state of terror, woman. But he says it's because he heard it's bad luck for a groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding. But it's her mom's dress, and she hates it, and she wants a dress of her own. The dress does need to be altered (it's too big), but it isn't hideous. Maybe ugly is what Lucy wants. And whatever Lucy wants, like this wedding, Lucy gets. And little man, little Lucy wants you. Kevin asks if Annie isn't hurting Lucy's feelings by pressing her own agenda. Lucy says it doesn't count, because she "doesn't know" she's hurting Lucy's feelings. Yes, being oblivious counts for something in this fucked-up family. Not. Kevin says Lucy should tell her parents how she feels if she wants to get what she wants. I think this is the only time Lucy has ever bottled up her feelings. I say let her sit on them until she bursts.