Episode Report Card Sara M: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blah, Blah, Black Sheep
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.21.2003
Carlos and Lucy talk. In profile, Carlos's hair actually looks worse. He tells Lucy that tonight is the night he tells the CamRents that he's their new son-in-law, whether Mary wants him to or not. Lucy says that Mary will be home for dinner tonight, to which Carlos responds that he does, in fact, talk to his wife from time to time, so he already knew this, and just because Mary is eating dinner with her parents doesn't mean that she'll tell them anything. After all, she didn't tell them last time she was in town. Carlos says he told Mary that he'll be telling the CamRents whether she shows up or not, because he wants them to know, and because they should know. Lucy asks if there's a reason why Carlos feels compelled to tell them tonight. He says that it's "now or never."
Officer Kevin walks around the police station attempting to perfect the art of looking busy without actually doing anything. He is interrupted by Roxanne, who rushes over to him and says that they need to talk. Kevin's surprised to see her; he thought she was still on vacation. Roxanne says that she decided to work instead, because she needs to "keep busy." Then she tears up, becoming a disgrace to female police officers everywhere. Kevin is initially concerned that someone is hurt or has died, to warrant all this emotion, but it turns out that she's crying because Chandler dumped her. Off-camera, of course, but that's okay, because when exposition dialogue negates having to watch an emotion-filled scene with Roxanne and Chandler, it's really the lesser of two evils. Kevin's answer to Roxanne's plight is an unsympathetic "I'm not surprised." Roxanne asks why that is, to which Kevin responds that this is what Roxanne gets for not marrying Chandler. Roxanne doesn't understand how this is a good reason to break up with someone; frankly, neither do I, especially since Roxanne said that she would marry Chandler, just after a longer engagement than he wanted. Kevin explains that "if [Roxanne doesn't] want to get married and [Chandler] does, what's a guy supposed to do?...it isn't about what [Roxanne] want[s] and [doesn't] want this time...it's about what he wants and doesn't want. Respect that." Then he walks away. To Roxanne's credit, she summons up unbelievable restraint and does not shove her nightstick up his ass. Maybe she realized that there was no way she could fit it in there anyway, crowded as it is with all manner of bugs and other, bigger, sticks.
Instead, Roxanne pathetically runs to a phone and calls Chandler, who's at the church. She tells him that she needs to talk to him, to which he says that he needs some more time away from her. Then RevCam creeps up behind Chandler, realizes that there's a private conversation going on, and starts to listen in to Chandler's half of the conversation. And, probably, Roxanne's half too, thanks to the bugging devices he installed in the Glenoak Police Department's phones -- for church purposes only, of course. Chandler tells Roxanne that he needs some time "to think" about how she doesn't want to marry him when he says so, and then hangs up on her. Roxanne looks slightly put out, and then, I hope, realizes how wrong it is that she just talked about personal issues while on the clock, on a work phone line, in the middle of the workplace.